Shadows
by tonikm
Summary: Its Olivia's first day back at work after being abducted by Lewis but isn't sure if she's ready to be a SVU detective again. Then on her first day back two girls go missing. Can she and the team find the missing girls? Can Olivia get her life back? This is my first story so i'm struggling with summary. Definitely Olivia centered.
1. Chapter 1

Shadows by Toni Mould

Characters based on Dick Wolf's Law and Order Special Victims Unit

The piercing noise broke through the dark silence and startled her. She woke with her heart beating incredibly fast and it took a second or two for her to realize where she was and what woke her. She was at home…the noise….. her alarm. She moved her arm towards her bedside table and quietened her alarm before relaxing once again into the soft mattress beneath her.

'Slow your heart down' she thought to herself, 'deep breathes.'

She rolled over onto her back and just lay there in the dark. Even though it had been a month since she returned home, her sleep was still restless and her body still felt heavier than before…..

Her alarm had gone off and it was still dark outside. Then she remembered today was her first day back at work… Work….Although their cases were often the most heart wrenching cases in the NYPD, she had found fulfilment in her work… She knew that their team helped people, even if they couldn't stop every sick person doing what they did, catching the perps and making sure they were behind bars often helped victims in their quest for recovery. But now she wasn't so sure she could do this anymore…. She wanted to….She really did…..She knew she was good at what she did….Even her Captain had said she was one of the best detectives he had ever worked with … the other was Elliot…Elliot, where was he… What would he think if he knew what had happened… She shook her head… He had been her partner for 12 years. Day in and day out they had faced danger, sadness, victims and perps together and he left without a word! No she couldn't deal with thinking about him right now…If he could just walk away without a single word, a single phone call, letter, note, he didn't deserve to know! Thankfully her Captain Don Cragen had managed somehow, she didn't have a clue how he did it, to keep her name out of the papers… He must of called in a lot of favours to have been able to give her a bit of privacy, for now. She started to pull back the covers from her body and proceeded to grab her gown as she sat, at the edge of her bed, legs firmly on the ground. She wasn't sure if she could do this…She had to try, she had to. Pushing herself from the bed she made her way to the light outside her bedroom. She'd been sleeping with the bathroom light on since her return. She knew it was a habit she would have to stop but right now, she needed all the comfort she could find to make it through.

Upon arriving in the kitchen, she put the kettle on to make a cup of coffee. She stood there, in front of the kettle waiting for it to boil, her hands firmly on the counter as she slipped into a dark world. Her mind still trying to process the memories of those three days that haunted her whether she was asleep or awake. She was still there when the kettle alerted her to the fact that it had finished its job.

As she turned with her cup warming her hands, she saw the counter with all the cards and flowers that her friends had sent. All except one friend. 'Don't go there,' she told herself, 'not today.'

Her friends had been good to her these last few weeks. One of them had always been with her when she was in hospital even though she wasn't interested in talking. Once she got home, they had visited, brought her groceries and called and texted even when she hadn't replied.

'No. Come on' she said to herself, 'get going or you'll be late on your first day back.'

Within 40 minutes she had showered and got dressed, still not sure if she had made the right decision to go back to work. She knew Cragen would probably try to ease her back into things by giving her paperwork to do and for once in her life she wouldn't complain about doing paperwork. All detectives hated doing paperwork, but she wouldn't mind the chance to be at her desk for a day or two just getting used to being part of things again. Her thoughts were interrupted by her phone ringing.

'Benson.' She answered, hoping that they had not just caught an early morning case. She wasn't up for showing up at a crime scene on her first morning back.

'Hey Liv' came the reply.

'Hey Fin. What's up?'

'Well I have to be in early this morning to finish up some paperwork that I didn't feel like doing last night and I was wondering if I could pick you up on the way in.'

'Paperwork huh? Since when do you go in early to catch up on paperwork? She said half smiling to herself, knowing paperwork wasn't the real reason for Fin going into work early.

'You want a lift or not?' came Fin's reply.

Olivia was taking her time deciding. She hadn't really thought of how she would get to work yet. She'd been so focused on getting ready that she hadn't planned the next part of the day yet.

'Liv? You still with me?' Fin's reply pulled her back to reality.

'Sorry Fin. Um…. What time are you going?'

'I am on my way in now. I can swing by your place on my way in. Be at your place in 15 minutes? Too quick for you?'

'No. That great. I'll be done. Thanks Fin.'

'See you soon.' Fin said as he hung up.

Fin breathed a sigh of relief when he put down the phone. That phone call had gone much easier than he'd expected. Because Olivia had spent most of her life alone, she found it difficult to reach out when she needed help and support. She'd had to be a lone wolf for most of her life. Firstly, her mother was an alcoholic. Fin had to wonder how much abuse and neglect Olivia had suffered because of her mother's habits. She had hinted at things when they worked a case with alcoholic parent(s) but Olivia had never explicitly said anything to him. Then there was this job. It was hard enough for any cop to have any kind of personal or family life with the hours they work, but with the special victims unit is was so much more than just their hours. It was their hours, the victims and the crimes that they had to witness. Olivia had been working at the unit for fourteen years, Fin himself had been there for twelve. The normal duration of a cop working at the unit was much less, something more like two years. But Fin had found his grove at the unit. Their Captain was a good guy, he wouldn't take nonsense but he would make sure the detectives were well taken care of to ensure they could cope with the work that faced every day.

Fin banged his one hand hard on the steering wheel as he thought of Olivia. Last time he got there just in time to save her from the unthinkable. They were undercover in a prison to catch a rapist who was attacking inmates. The perp had somehow separated Olivia from the group and taken her to the basement but Fin was occupied with a health scare in the prison. Thankfully, he got to Olivia just before it was too late. This time though they weren't so lucky, the Beast had Olivia for four whole days. The Beast… he had abducted, tortured, raped and murdered five women and they knew it was him. They just didn't have enough evidence to put him away. They had all been working day and most of the night for about a week when he had been released on bail and instead him laying low until the trial he went to abduct one of their own. The physical scars showed but Fin was more worried about the scars that weren't visible. He still didn't know what happened during those three days. He had been the one who saw her trying to hide her PSTD last time, and that wasn't nearly as bad as what occurred this time, he guessed.

Although Fin wasn't her usual partner, Olivia and he shared a special relationship. One that he could only describe as a brother sister relationship. The relationship had deepened after that undercover case. She had let him in as far as she dared, even further than Elliot. Elliot… where was she when Olivia needed him? No! He couldn't go there! He had to make sure she got through day one! He'd got up earlier this morning because he knew she always was at work early. She was often the first detective there in the mornings. She said she liked the quietness in the mornings. He used the excuse that he needed to do paperwork, that wasn't a lie, with this job there was always paperwork to do but nothing urgent that was chasing him to get to work. But he wanted to accompany her in to the precinct on her first day back. Fin sighed as he pulled up to Olivia's building.

Olivia had slowly got ready to leave. She probably would have left a few minutes earlier had Fin not phoned and said he would pick her up but she didn't mind the extra delay. She still wasn't sure if she was ready to go back. She could ask Cragen for more time off, but that wouldn't serve any purpose other than delay the inevitable. By the time on her watch she knew that her buzzer would go any minute. But there was one task she still had to complete. As if her thoughts made it ring, the buzzer went. Olivia walked towards her door and unlocked it.

'Hey Liv' Fin said as she opened the door. 'You ready?'

'Hey Fin. Almost. Just give me a moment?'

'Yeah sure, take your time. We'll be the first to get to the office. Think we might even beat Cragen.' Fin said smiling as he walked in the door and closed it behind him.

'Cragen. Not even I can get there before Cragen.' replied Liv as she disappeared into her room. 'I just need to get my stuff.'

Fin took the time to look around Olivia's apartment. You could see that she'd been spending most of her time at home. There was a novel on the coffee table and a blanket over the couch. Fin could help thinking if she'd been sleeping on the couch in front of the TV more than her own bed, like some victims did. At that word he felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. Olivia had been a cop for almost eighteen years, now she was a victim too. Fin had to smile slightly when he saw all the cards and flowers on the kitchen counter. At least she knew she wasn't totally alone.

Once she let Fin in she slipped into her room and sat on the bed. She bent down and unlocked the safe. She picked up her badge and looked at it. Then she took a breathe and took them out. Her guns. As she held her main one in her hand, it felt strange yet familiar. It was now or never. She clipped everything in its place, put her jacket on and took one more deep breath, kicked then safe closed with her shoe, and walked out the door into the lounge.

'Ready?' she said as she rejoined Fin.

'Yep. You?'

Olivia nodded her head and gave a brave smile.

Fin instantly knew he had made the right choice to come get Liv. She was putting on a brave show. But he was sure that if she could get through the first few days, things might become easier. He just hoped this week would be a quiet one, or rather one without any major dramatic cases.


	2. Chapter 2 - Settling back in

**Chapter 2**

He sighed as he took the last sip of his first cup of coffee. There were days when he thought he was getting too old for this job. After almost two decades of been the captain of this SVU squad and almost four decades of being a cop Captain Cragen wondered how long he could still keep doing this job. He knew that 1PP, the guys above him, were starting to talk retirement and up till about six weeks ago he felt that he wasn't ready to retire but the events of the last few weeks had made him think that maybe it was time. Cragen had enjoyed working with the crew he had, then a year ago one of his best detectives gave in his papers after a difficult case and now Olivia had survived a brutal attack. He had visited Olivia a few times since the attack and he did his utmost to keep her name out of the papers until the trial to give her time to heal but he couldn't help wonder how this would affect her work here at the squad. It could make it more difficult for her to do her job, or it could make her a better detective. Only time would tell. Time, how much of that did he have left behind this desk? He only hoped the powers above him would give him time to guide Olivia and his squad through this phrase of their healing.

As he put the papers he'd been working on on an ever growing pile, he looked up to where the voices where coming from. He sat back in his chair and smiled to himself. He should of known that Fin would step up without been asked. A guy that look and often acted like nothing affected him, but in reality he was as soft-heart as anyone else. He knew that Fin and Olivia had a good working relationship as well as a friendship and it seemed that since Elliot's departure those two were even closer. It seemed as Fin had picked Olivia up for work today. 'Good work, Fin' he softly said to himself as he watched his two detectives prepare themselves for whatever would come across their desks today.

The drive across town had gone well. Olivia and Fin managed to keep the conversation going without any effort or without the conversation going too deep. Fin had filled Olivia in with all the cases that they had worked in her absence as well as any office gossip that he thought she should be aware of. Walking into the building and going up to the squad room Olivia got a few looks and smiles but nothing she thought she wouldn't get. Their destination was familiar and remained unchanged since her departure. 'At least some things never change' she said to herself as she walked to her desk, put her bag in the bottom drawer and her weapon into the top one before locking them.

'Are you gonna make a pot or shall I?' came Fin's question from across the room.

'I guess one of us has to make before Munch gets here or we'll won't be able to drink anything before about 11am' Olivia replied getting up and walking across to the coffee station.

'My partner is a great detective but he wasn't standing in front of the queue when they handed out coffee making skills.'

'You got that one right.' Olivia said smiling.

By the time Munch, Rollins, and Amaro walked in Olivia had emptied her inbox of unwanted emails and was starting on some paperwork that had been put on her desk.

'Howdy partner' Amaro said as he saw Olivia sitting at her desk. 'Starting without me again I see.'

'Well if someone doesn't do the paperwork we'd all drown.' She said getting up to greet her colleagues.

'Good to have you back.' Amanda Rollins said as she gave Olivia a hug. 'Its not paperwork I've been drowning in but rather testosterone.'

'We haven't been that bad, have we?' came Munch's sarcastic question.

The two female detectives smiled at each other and just shook their heads as they returned to their tasks.

For the second time already this morning Cragen sat back in his chair. He could he the chatter in the squad room. For once it was upbeat. He knew as soon as he stepped in to hand out today's assignment his detective would buckle down and do what he required of them. He let the team bonding session go on for a few more minutes. His team was back together and that was enough for now.

'Morning all.' Cragen said as he walked out of his office. He decided that he'd given the team enough time to welcome Liv back. Eventually each detective had gone back to his or her desk and started to work and that is when he decided to walk into their squad room and start to hand out this morning's assignments.

'Firstly, Welcome back Olivia. We've all missed having you around.'

'Thanks Capt' Olivia replied.

Cragen noted that there wasn't any other comment such as 'good to be back' or 'I missed you all' that would normally follow such a welcome back. This just confirmed his decision not to send her out on assignment just yet.

'Fin and Amanda. We have an allegation of a peeping tom at the Heights on 4th Avenue. Go check it out and see if there's any substance to these claims. It probably a youngster with too much time on his hands. Munch, you get to have another hour of fame and brush off that old suit of yours and testify in court.'

'Ah. The joys of our world-class legal system,' Replied John Munch, 'don't expect me back before Thursday. They probably make me hang around the courthouse for three days before calling me.'

'Take a book. Then you won't get bored.' Fin advised.

'Casey assured me they will get you in today, John. Amaro, I need you to go over to St John's School. They phoned and said they've had a guy hanging around at the school talking to the kids during break. They not sure if it's a problem but I told them we'd check it out anyway.'

'Sure thing Capt.'

'Ok let's gets out there and stay safe! Liv, can I see you in my office, please.'

Olivia was expecting this so she nodded to Cragen and after saying a few words to her colleagues before they headed out, she followed her captain into his office.

'Closed the door and take a seat, Liv.' Cragen hoped that by using her nickname that it would set a more casual tone to the conversation they were going to have. 'I hope you don't mind me not sending you out with the guys just yet. I wanted to touch base with you before you get going.'

'That's fine Capt.'

'How are you?' They both knew this was a loaded question but he didn't know how else to start.

Olivia looked down at her hands which she held together on her knees. She knew she could trust Don and that after all he had done for her now and in the past she owed it to him to be honest. She took a few seconds before looking up to her Captain, the only father figure she had known in her life.

'Um…. I won't lie to you Capt. It hasn't been an easy few weeks. I'm still taking it one step at a time.'

'Are you still seeing the counsellor?'

'Yes, I think I'll probably see her for a while yet.'

'That's fine. Take as long as you need. Whether you see her or not has no bearing on your work here. In fact, I'm glad you have someone outside of the unit to talk to Liv. What about sleeping and eating? Still having to sleep on the couch?'

Olivia looked up at her Captain.

'Liv, I've worked in this unit for about twenty years. I have an idea what victims go through.'

'I tried to move back to my bedroom a week ago, but….' Olivia said shyly once again looking at her hands. The way she answered the question told Don all he needed to know.

'You know if you need more time. You've got more leave stored up than the rest of the team put together.'

'I know Captain. Thanks. But I need….' She knew what she wanted to say but wasn't sure how Cragen would respond to what she had to say.

'What do you need Liv?' Gently urging her to go on.

'All the time at home won't answer the question I need answered.'

'And that is?' He wanted to help her, give whatever he could to the detective sitting before him but unless she told him, his hands were tied.'

'I need to know if I can still do my job.' There she finally said it out loud. Olivia stood up and started walking towards the one way mirror at the edge of his office. 'I mean….If I can still sit with the victims and _truly_ listen without my issues getting in the way. Arrest and interview perps without….' She didn't know how to finish the sentence.

Wow after all she had been through, most of which he felt she hadn't revealed yet she was still putting others before herself. 'Liv, sit for a moment. Would you?' As she made her way to her seat, Cragen got up and moved to sit on the edge of his desk closer to Olivia but still far enough to give her her own space. He took a moment to order his thoughts before he started to speak.

'Liv, you might know this but I don't know if I have ever told you this in so many words.' Olivia looked up to her Captain and wondered what he was about to say. '

'You are arguably the best detective I've ever work with.' Olivia took her eyes off him and returned them to her hands.

'You have a gift for this kind of work. That's why you've been able to last in this unit for so long. You are not only a great detective but your compassion and accessibility is what makes you so good with the victims and the reason they so often open up to you. I know that's also not an easy thing to bear.' He forced himself to remain quiet for awhile so she could absorb what he had just said. He hoped she knew that he meant every word.

Cragen stood up and moved behind his desk. As much as he felt for Olivia he was her captain and had a responsibility towards her and the people they served.

'Olivia, I need to ask you a question.' She looked at him.

'Do you want to start work today?'

'Yes sir.'

'Are you willing to give this your best shot?'

'Yes Captain.' She said sitting straighter than she had during the entire conversation.

'Do you feel you can come to me if things get too much?'

'Definitely.' She really knew she could do that.

'Ok, then I think we have a plan. You have got quite a lot of paperwork to work your way through. Let's say we try desk duty for a few days. Then take it from there. It will give you some time to get your feet back on the ground. What you say?'

'Sounds good to me, Captain.' She sounded assertive. Cragen knew she was determined to give this her all.

'Ok then there's just one more thing to say.' He said coming around his desk and offering his hand. 'Welcome back, Detective Benson.'

'Thank you Captain.'

As she left his office to return to her desk, she felt a lightness in her step. Nothing had changed, she still wasn't sure of her future and she knew she had a long way to go but she knew her captain had her back.

Watching Olivia leave his office he was glad that they had that conversation and he really hoped that Olivia would come to him if she needed to. He wanted what was good for her but he sincerely didn't want to lose the best detective he'd had the honour of working with.


	3. Chapter 3 - A new case

**Chapter 3**

Olivia was so caught up in the paperwork that she was surprised when she looked up to see that it was one thirty already. So took her mug and got up to stretch her legs and refill her cup. She was proud that her morning had gone so well. She had managed to focus on her work and put everything else in her life out of her mind.

Just as she got comfortable back at her desk and started to delve in the next stack of paperwork she heard her name being called. She looked up at saw her captain standing at the door of his office looking worried.

'Liv, could you step into my office for a moment please'.

'What's up Capt?' She said as she walked into his office.

'Liv, I've just got a call from Lifestyle Academy. Two of their learners did not go back to class after 10 o'clock recess. They've done a sweep of the grounds and found the one girl's backpack in the bushes. The school has also phoned both sets of parents and it doesn't look like the girls have returned to either house.'

'How old are they?'

'Both girls are ten years old. Now there's a chance that they are hiding away somewhere or that they decided to bunk school… but there's a chance that this could be foul play. I don't feel good just ignoring this. I've redirected Fin and Amanda to go check out things at the school and they also don't have a good feeling about the situation. I've asked Amaro to go over to the house of the one girl and …'

'You need me to go over to the house of the other girl?' she interrupted him midway through his sentence.

'No I've phoned Munch to go over to the other house…'

'But he's at court waiting to testify in the Ronald case…'

Cragen put up his hand in an effort to stop Olivia speaking. Because they had worked so long in the same squad he didn't mind so much that she was interrupting him but he wanted to finish what he was saying.

'I've spoken to Casey. Her assistant will call us when they need him. Until then he's back with us. Olivia, I know we spoke about easing you back into things with paperwork…'

'Where you need me Captain?' He looked up to this woman. After all she had been through he knew he didn't want to drop her in the middle of such a case on her first day back but that was exactly what he was going to ask of her.

'Well, with the other four all out in the field, I need someone to coordinate things here.'

'Get the extra phones set up, get the whiteboard up and going so we can start a timeline.' Olivia jumped in.

'Yes, Liv.'

'On it Captain.' She said as she walked out his office.

Olivia marched back into the squad room with more purpose and urgency she had all day. Her mind started to complain. Today. Really?! Couldn't she just have one easy day? But she quickly curved those thoughts. If these girls had indeed been kidnapped there was no time for her own issues to get in the way. If this was a kidnapping, the person responsible had already had almost a four hour head start and they were playing catchup.

As she reached her desk she picked up the phone to call downstairs so they could start organising some extra phones and personnel to man them. At the same time she texted Amaro and Munch to let them know she was coordinating things and that they should send her a picture of the girls as soon as possible.

Two hours later, and more than five hours since the two girls, Kathy Simmons and Sarah Bell had been seen, the bullpen was a hive of activity. Extra officers had been sent up to man the phones that had been set up and Olivia was sifting through the information that the officers forwarded to her. As soon as the photos of the two girls had been received Captain Cragen held a press conference and since then the phones had not stopped. The only negative consequence about having a press conference was that all sorts of people came out of the woodwork and that included the crazies. The job was now to sort out which leads to follow and which to ignore.

'Hey Liv' Amaro said as he and Rollins walked in. 'do we have any strong leads yet?'

'Hey' Olivia said as she looked up from her desk. 'Not much definite yet. A few sightings but Munch and Fin are checking them out and well for the rest I think we can discredit them because I really doubt they've had time to get so far away.'

'Ah is every Tom, Dick and Harry wasting our time again' Amanda chipped in.

'I just wish at a time like this people would use common sense and allow us to do our jobs.'

'Should we get back to the school grounds and help there?' asked Amaro

'Um, ok that might be good. Go see if the unis have any more information for us. Maybe the crime scene guys also have some forensics for us?'

'Right. We'll get there and then phone you.'

'Thanks Nick.'

Nick Amaro and Amanda Rollins had been at the school for about an hour before he decided it was time to phone the office. They had spoken to the guys who had been in charge of the uniformed officers searching the grounds as well as the crime scene people but no one had any information for them. It just seemed as if the girls had walked off the school grounds, not to be seen again. The officers would keep searching for clues until the light faded.

'I'm getting really worried' Amanda said as she walked up to Nick after another unsuccessful chat with an officer, 'we have absolutely nothing to go on.' No leads. No evidence. No suspicious people hanging about at the time of their disappearance.'

'I know.' Nick replied with a certain hopelessness in his voice, 'we desperately need a lead to go on.' All Nick could think of was his own child. If his daughter were to disappear like this without a trace he would go nuts.

'Thinking of your daughter?' Amanda questioned

'Yeah. Can't help putting myself in their parents' shoes.'

Just then Nick's phone rang. 'Amaro. Yip….Think that's a good idea. We'll be there in twenty.'

'That was Olivia. Cap wants us all home to regroup.'

Fin and Munch walked in to see Olivia unpacking various packets of take away food onto table.

'NYPD finally buying me dinner' Munch said as he took his coat off and placed it on his chair.

'Consider it a working dinner' replied Cragen as he walked out to the area where his five detectives where standing. 'I thought we might think better when our stomachs were growling at us. Liv would you run us through what we have so far.'

The other four detectives sat round the table and ate their supper as Olivia summarised the day so far. Kathy Simmons and Sarah Bell went out to recess at ten o'clock and did not return to class. It was almost ten thirty when the teacher noticed that the girls had not return from break. A search of the school ensued and when nothing was found the girls' parents were called at around twelve. The call came into SVU at one thirty and the investigation had started. At present only Kathy's backpack had been found in some bushes on the school grounds. Detectives and officers had interviewed Kathy's and Sarah's closest friends, their classmates and teachers as well as some other staff members but no leads had come of it.

Amaro and Munch took over the story line as they each filled the team in on the respective families. Basically both families were the normal run of the mill; both sets of parents had white collar jobs and nothing that made them an obvious target for kidnappings. Neither family had received a ransom call. With all the information of the day shared the team sat in silence as they ate their meal. There was no need to state the obvious, almost nine hours since the girls were last seen the team had no real leads.

It was Cragen who spoke next. He knew he had to keep his team motivated else they would have no hope in finding the missing girls.

'Fin and Much after dinner you continue search for leads from the tip line. Olivia and Nick you two run background checks on staff at the school. Rollins, you see if there's any people of interest we need to know about in the area. Meet back here in say um… four hours?'

All five nodded and finished their supper before returning to their respective desks.


	4. Chapter 4 - Flashbacks

**Chapter 4**

For the next two hours there was not much chatter amongst the detectives as each one focused on their tasks. The principal had made herself available to the squad and had supplied them with all the information that Nick and Olivia had asked for and Munch and Fin were still shifting through the tips that had come in thus far. Amanda got up and stretched her legs. Unless something happened fast they were all in for a long night.

'Refill for anyone?' offered Amanda

'Yes thanks' came Munch's reply

'Good idea' Nick said grabbing his cup and following Munch and Amanda to the side of the room.

'You guys got something?' Amanda said hopefully

'Nah' Fin said as he joined the group

'I can't believe no one saw anything.' Munch offered

'People are so consumed in their lives, they just didn't see these two girls disappear.'

'Liv, coffee?' Nick said over his shoulder to the only one who had not yet joined the group in their impromptu gathering.

'Liv…Olivia…' Nick had turned around to look in her direction. Nick looked at Fin and they saw Olivia looking down at the papers in front of her.

'_Wakey wakey' came a voice through the dark think mist that surrounded Olivia's mind. 'Come on your missing all the fun. Well, it's no fun when I play by myself.'_

_Olivia tried to wake up. She could feel something cold tracing the outlines of her face. Her eyes blinked open but she couldn't keep them open just yet. It felt like she was sitting upright on a chair. She tried to bring her hands to her face to help her wake up. But wait! Her hands were tied behind her! What! Where was she?! She tried her hands again and felt a shooting pain go through her shoulders. OUCH! Her heart started pounding. Her feet….her feet were also bound! She opened her eyes and this time she saw him._

'_Hi there Liv.' Came his delighted response. 'I was really getting bored while you were sleeping. You have such a nice place here. Oh and sooo many 'toys' for us to play with….' He said half laughing. 'Did you enjoy your sleep? I am sorry about that I just had to secure you before we started.' _

_She tried to speak but the tape over her mouth prevented that. She looked around. At least they were still at her place. Maybe someone would come visit her and rescue her. Her head was aching. They would surely miss her at work tomorrow morning. Then it hit her….. Her Captain had given her two days off! They had just finished a difficult case and the guy had got away…..HE had got away….HE….The guy standing in front of her tracing a her face with her own gun…her gun! She tried to move…Pain shot through her shoulders again. The pain was a result of her arms been behind her back for so long…..how long had she been unconscious for…unconscious…. She looked down she still had her top and underwear on…Tears now formed in her eyes involuntarily. NO! She couldn't let him see her cry! No Olivia Benson! Don't give him that satisfaction! She closed her eyes and blinked the tear away. Her legs…. Her pants had been torn open. But she had seen something…. No please! She forced herself to open her eyes and look…there on her legs… little circular burn marks… the evidence lay on the table next to her…She closed her eyes…_

'Livy… Liv!' she heard Fin call.

'Yip.' She said as calmly as she could. Her hand falling to her leg as she gently rubbed them.

'Where you go?'

'Just thinking about the case.' She half lied, still not looking up at her colleagues. She wasn't totally lying. She was thinking about a case, just not the case they were thinking about.

'I asked if you want some coffee?'

'Um…. I think I'd like a cup of tea rather, thanks Fin. But don't worry I'll make it.' She was jittery enough after that flashback she didn't need coffee adding to that, she thought as she shifted papers around her desk to look busy.

'Nah. Don't worry. I'll make you a cuppa. I'm up anyways.' Came Fin's reply. The others began to take their seats behind their desks again.

'Thinking about the case, my ass.' Fin muttered under his breath. Fin knew where she had disappeared to and if she wanted a cup of tea, he would make her the best cup of tea he could.

He whistled as he walked towards her desk hoping that she would hear him coming.

'One cup of tea as order, ma'am.' Fin joked as he put the mug on her desk.

'Thanks Fin.' She looked up at him with that same smile she had given him earlier that morning as they left her apartment.

Fin just smiled back down at her, softly put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. There was nothing more he could do here without being obvious.

Twenty minutes later Olivia thought it was safe to get up and go to get some air. She still felt nauseous. She hadn't wanted to get up straight away because she was afraid that they others would pick up on it. But she couldn't wait any longer. She needed fresh air.

'Nick. I need some air. Cover for me?' she said.

'Sure.' He said while typing something on his computer.

Fin saw her go out but he knew he couldn't follow. She wouldn't let him.

Fin saw movement in Cragen's office.

Unbeknown to his detectives Captain Cragen had seen the previous scene. He saw his detectives take a break and had seen Olivia stay at her desk stare a hole into the pages in front of her. He had seen the interaction between her and Fin.

Ten minutes after Olivia had gone to the roof, he stood up and followed her. He nodded at Fin as he walked out the door.

The cool summer's breeze felt good on Olivia's face and neck. She breathed deeply as she tried to release the tension in her muscles. She put her hands on the railing and leant against them while looking out into the darkness. She had to keep it together. She was at work… She couldn't fall apart here… Before he broke into her apartment and her life, she loved the job. SVU wasn't for everyone, she had seen numerous detectives come and go during her time here but she had found her life's work here. She couldn't let him take her job from her as well. She knew she had five pairs of eyes on her while she was at work and they all wanted to know if she was ready to be back and if she could cope with being back. She had to be strong… if they thought she couldn't cope, Cragen might be forced to put her on leave again, she might even have to transfer, or maybe retire. All she had right now was her job…no family…. No relationship….. Heck she didn't even have many friends outside the law enforcement world. Even her friend Casey was a lawyer who prosecuted the many of the unit's cases. She knew Cassidy was interested in a relationship with her and they had just started dating when it happened but afterwards she had pushed him away, not wanting to force him to stay with her out of pity. She wasn't in a place where she could offer him anything right now. Initially he resisted her pushing him away but eventually he got the message. The day he stopped calling she had cried the hardest. She had liked him and wanted to see if it would lead anywhere but he was a really good guy, he deserved more than she could give him at this stage. She hated facing this cold dark world alone but at least when she was alone no one could hurt her. She had enough hurt in her life, at this stage she was just holding on and if one more thing had to go wrong, she would lose her grip. It was better that she end the relationship on her terms.

When he arrived on the roof, Don found her standing against the railings with her arms wrapped around her staring into the darkness. For a moment he thought that he should turn around and let her be, but then he walked towards her.

'Liv.' He called from a distance not wanting to sneak up on her.

'Oh hi Captain. Um… I just needed some air…..'

'Liv, relax. I wasn't here to call you back down. The case can do without us for a few minutes.' Don stood putting his one leg on the ledge. 'I came to see how you are. This is a rough case on your first day back. Plus we all working overtime here.'

'I'm good Captain. Just wish we had a solid lead on the case. It's dark out there. The girls must be so scared. That's if he kept them alive…'

'Scared like you were?'

Olivia suddenly turned towards her captain with a look of shock on her face.

'Liv, down there I'm Captain Cragen. Up here, right now, I'm Don, a friend who's known you for fourteen years. Or at least I think we are friends after all this time.'

'We are, Don. I mean…. You are like a father to me. I mean especially after the last few weeks.'

'Good.' Don answered. He didn't trust himself to say anymore right now. Olivia had just said the kindest words he'd heard in a long time. Two years after he got married his wife got sick with cancer. Sheryl died three years later leaving him alone with no wife or child.

After a few more minutes of silence, neither of them really wanting to return the conversation to Don's question, it wasn't the time, Olivia took a deep breath and turn to her friend and captain.

'Captain, let's go find these two girls.' She said assertively.

Captain moved aside. 'Lead the way Detective Benson."


	5. Chapter 5 - The search

**Chapter 5**

At the ten o'clock meeting, the detectives filled each other on what each had found out in the preceding hours.

Fin and Munch had spent the last four hours separating the good leads from the bad leads from the NYPD tip line. 'Not much to go on from the tip line and so we started to look at CCTV footage in the area but again we came up with zilch! No one and nothing seems to have seen these girls.' Said Fin quite despondently.

Amanda stood up and walked up towards the board and pinned four photos to the board. 'Sorry I am a bit late guys. I had one last called to make before I could give feedback.'

'That's fine, Rollins. You got anything for us?'

I've got four perps who have all serve time and are on the sex offenders list. I've contacted their parole officers and all four have to be home after nine pm so after this meeting I plan on joining their parole officers as we knock on some doors.'

'Ok great work.' Cragen said. At least that was something. 'Nick and Liv?'

'We went through the employment records of all who work at the school. They seem to run a clean ship. No criminal records that we can see.' Offered Nick.

'Liv, what is that look?' Cragen could see that she was thinking about something.

'Um… probably nothing sir' she replied

'Liv, apart from Amanda's four sex offenders, we have a board full of nothing. I'm taking all ideas here.'

'The grounds keeper, Philip Martins, his worked at five schools in eight years…'

'Go on' encouraged Cragen

'Well, as far as I can see his record is clean, but he has worked in five different states. I just can't help thinking why he keeps moving.'

'Caretakers do live on the grounds and they know the grounds as well as anyone.' Contributed Munch.

'Yeah but we can't question the guy just because he moves around.' Liv said.

'Ok, this is the plan. Liv, do some more digging. See if you find anything more on this guy. We need to rule everyone out, you might as well start there. Amanda, Fin and Munch you go with the uniforms and parole officers and see what the four have to say for themselves. Nick, you continue to handle any tips or leads that may come in and help with background checks. And guys, if we are still nowhere by the early hours, I need you to start rotating time in the crib. Start with two hours each till you've all had a chance and then increase it to four if we still working. When we are tired, we start missing clues.

There were nods all around as the detectives moved away.

By the time Amanda, Fin and Munch returned it was just past 12am.

'Hey Liv' said Munch 'you still behind that computer.'

'Yip. Still at it.' She replied as she stood up to stretch. 'You guys get anything?'

Captain Cragen walked into the bullpen as his detectives started to relay their news to Olivia.

"Well, three of our friends were at home. They all have alibis and we checked two of the alibis and they pan out. The third alibi we can only check in the morning.' Amanda offered.

'Our fourth friend wasn't home. He's violated his parole by not being home by 10pm. We've contacted his parole officer and they trying to find him.'

'Ok. Fin stay on them. We need to find this guy ASAP! If he has the girls….'

'I know Captain. I'm work with them to help them and they know how urgent it is.'

'And Amanda,' said Cragen turning around to face Amanda. 'About that other alibi…. It's tomorrow morning.'

'That it is.'

'Where's Nick?' Munch questioned.

'The tip line was very quite and I was doing the background checks so we thought its best that he take the first shift in the crib.' Olivia replied.

The detectives were quietly going about their business when Nick came back down and headed straight to the coffee machine. He hated these types of cases where no one really got enough sleep.

'Hey. What did I miss?'

'Hi sleepy head.' Olivia said looking up at her partner who was still wiping the sleep out of his eyes. 'Three of the four parolees have been found and cleared. The fourth, Michael Hopkins, is in the wind. He wasn't home when Fin and the guys knocked on his door after ten, violating his parole. Fin and Munch are working with their parole officers.'

'And the background checks?'

'Difficult to do at 2am when people are asleep but I'm doing what I can.'

'And your guy that you have the feeling about?' Nick knew Olivia had worked this unit long enough to have good gut instincts and on a case like this instincts were all they had to go on.

'Mmm. I'm not sure. Still have the feeling that something is amiss but I have nothing to go on. No criminal record, nothing suspicious on social media, or on the Net. He did help us search the grounds so maybe I'm wrong. But I want to phone the other schools later when people are awake. There's nothing I can do at this time of day.' She said in frustration.

'Amanda.'

'Yes, Liv.'

'Wanna go get some shut eye?'

'You guys all ok?'

'We're all tired, Amanda, but we all can't go. So get going.'

'Thanks Munch'

'Enjoy, partner.' Fin rubbed her shoulder as he walk past.

'Excuse me Capt.' Olivia knock on Cragen's door.

'Liv, come in. Got any news.'

'Wish I had Capt.'

'What's up then?

'Capt, Nick is back and we've sent Amanda up. How about getting out of here for few hours?'

'Oh I don't know…'

'Capt, we all working the case and you sitting doing paperwork waiting. What if I call you if we get a lead? We need a fresh face for the cameras in a few hours.'

'You'll call me?'

'Straight away, Captain.'


	6. Chapter 6: Sleep or not

Hi Guys. Sorry I had a busy weekend so I couldn't get much writing done. Thank you so those who 'favourited' or are following the story. Hope you enjoy the next chapters. Would like to hear from you. T

Chapter 6

It was 6am when Captain Cragen walked into his squad room having had four hours off.

'Morning all.' He said to three of his detectives who were at their desks.

'Hi Captain.' Said Nick

'Get some sleep?' asked Amanda

'Some yes. Thanks.'

'Munch and Fin getting theirs?'

'Yes Capt. It was a slow few hours so we thought it might be better to double up and have fresh eyes when things getting going later.'

'Good thinking. Liv, from your watery eyes, it looks like you have been looking at that screen all night.'

'Yes Captain.'

'Ok well that means you the last to go to the crib. Take four hours. Maybe go home.'

'But Capt. I want to phone schools when they open at nine.

'Ok well take three. That's an order Detective.'

'Liv, you up.' said Fin from behind as the captain went into his office.

'Thanks Fin.' She replied as she rose from her desk and gave Fin a pat on the back as he was getting coffee.

She opened the door to the crib and chose a bed against the wall in the corner. She sat on the edge of the bed and put her head in her hands. She was tired. It was twenty-four hours since she had slept but she wasn't sure this was going to work…. Here she had no TV to help put her to sleep, no bathroom light she could put on. She took her shoes off, lay down and pulled the blanket over her.

'_I think we should go on a little trip. Somewhere where we can be alone.' He said as he knelt in front of her pushing her hair back from her swollen, bloodied face. 'How about the beach? It's nice, quiet and isolated. No one will bother us there.' _

_He took her down the back stairs and being 5am no one was around to see or help her. He held the gun on her the whole time as they walked to the car. She knew that if she tried to attempt anything he would certainly use it… She had no doubt after seeing his other victims. She could only hope that there would come a time later when he would lose focus and that she'd be able to escape then. Once in the car he slid beside her on the back seat and ran his hand up and down her one thigh. 'Now I don't want to spoil the surprise of where we are going so you have to go to sleep for a bit, ok?' he took out a pill bottle from his bag and took two tablets out. 'Oh no, I don't have any water. Oh well, I guess we'll use this then.' He showed Olivia the whiskey bottle. She didn't want this to happen! She knew that sleeping pills and alcohol wasn't a good match. Maybe she could somehow keep the pills in the side of her mouth and not swallow them. Before she had any more time to think, he was forcing her mouth open. She hardly had any time to push the pills where she wanted them before the liquid was forced down her throat. She couldn't swallow fast enough and ended up choking._

Amanda was walking past the crib when she heard what sounded like someone choking. She turned around and went into the room. She found Olivia lying down choking and tears streaming down her cheeks.

'Liv, you ok? Olivia?' Amanda knelt down and put her hands on Olivia's shoulders. 'Liv?'

Almost as soon as Olivia's eyes opened she recoiled from Amanda's touch. 'Please don't hurt…' She said in a very hoarse voice.'

'Liv, it's me Amanda… You're in the crib.' Amanda said as she stood up to go put the light on. She realized now that Olivia's choking was part of a nightmare and that Amanda needed to put the light on as quickly as possible to show Olivia where she was. As soon as she'd put the light on, she was back kneeling at Olivia's bedside. Olivia hadn't moved.

'Liv?' Amanda once again put her hand on Olivia's shoulder. Olivia stiffened under her touch, but Amanda kept her hand firmly on her shoulder. She couldn't help feeling how hot and sweaty the older woman, whom Amanda respected so much, felt.

'Liv, you are safe. You're in the crib. You've been asleep for about two hours.'

'No…. Only two?' Olivia croaked.

'Yes, Liv. I'm going to go and grab you some water and I'll be right back. Ok? Don't move.' Amanda waited for a response but none came. She got up and walked briskly out the door.

'Whoa there girly.' Fin said as she almost walked into Fin. 'Where you going so fast?'

Amanda held her hand up to him, 'Not now Fin.' She managed to say as she ducked into the kitchen to get what she needed. Fin followed her in not sure what had made his partner so angry in the few minutes since he'd last seen her. 'Mandy?' Fin tried to get her attention as she busied herself with what she'd come here to do.

'If I ever get my hands on him…..' Amanda said with such anger and determination that it shocked Fin, 'Well….. maybe it would be better for him if I never got within 30 meters of him…' she said as she marched out the door with a glass of water and a damped facecloth.

Fin glanced at Nick who just happened to be getting a drink out the fridge when Amanda walked, or rather stormed in. Nick just stared back at Fin who walked out the door just in time to see Amanda duck into the crib. Fin slumped against the wall. The crib…. Olivia was meant to be sleeping in the crib. A glass of water and a ,amp facecloth put together with what Amanda just said, not much sleeping was happening in there. Fin put his hands in his pockets and walked back to his desk with what felt like the world on his shoulders.

'Liv?' Amanda opened and closed the door.

'Here.' Came a soft reply.

Amanda found Olivia sitting leaning with her back to the wall and her legs pulled up tight against her chest.

'I got you some water and a damp facecloth.' Amanda said as she sat down next to her.

'Thanks.' came Olivia's reply her throat still dry from her dream. Both women sat in silence as Olivia drank the water. She was the first to speak.

'I'm trying so hard to get past this. But…'

'Liv, you know as well as any person that you need to give yourself time…'

'But I want my life back… I don't want him to take anything else from me… it's as if he's still holding me hostage even when his not here…'

Truthfully as much as Amanda had worked with many victims in her career she did not know what to say to her friend and mentor. 'Liv you are strong. You can do this. We all here for you.' Amanda felt like saying, _You have to do this, please. You the Olivia Benson. You can't break and not recover._

'You want to lie down and get another hour?' Amanda said looking over at Olivia who was staring into space. She looked so tired.

'No. No chance of that now. I'll think I'll go have a shower.'

Liv went to open her locker and took out a clean set of clothes that she kept in her locker. She turned the shower on and started to undress. While she waited for the water to warm up, she looked at herself. Although it had been weeks and the scars and marks were healing nicely, there were certain marks, scars that she knew would not fade with time and they would stare back at her every time she got dressed. Tears threatened to escape from her eyes and for once she didn't stop them but instead allow them to mix with the water falling from the showerhead.

'How is she?' Fin asked as Amanda sat down at her desk.

'Taking a shower…'

'But how is….'

'Fin just…. Don't. She's…' Amanda sat back in her chair looking from Fin to Nick, 'it will take time.'

'Are you ok?'

'No, Fin. I'm not. But I am not going to let her first case back go to the dogs.'

'For Liv.' Nick said.

'For Liv' Fin echoed.

And with that the detectives started day two of the case with renewed passion.


	7. Chapter 7: Following a lead

Chapter 7

The team had agreed that they would get together at ten for their first meeting of the day. That would allow them time to get started with what they each had planned to do for today. So by ten they were all gathered together in front of the board.

'Okay so what have we got?' Cragen prompted his detectives.

'Well, Amanda and I have just been to the school and uniformed officers as well as crime scene tech and so forth are going through the school and grounds once again. So far they've found nothing but it's a big area so it will probably take most of today.' Fin offered.

'I've checked in with both families and they said they've received no ransom demands or anything.' Munch reported back.

'All teachers' background checks came back clear. So nothing there.' Nick added.

'Liv, your lead?' Cragen asked hoping that his most senior detective had something to go on.

'Well, I've spoken to three of the five principals where he worked. They said he was a good worker and kept to himself. His current girlfriend seems to be Miss Donna Kerry, Sarah and Kathy's teacher. I'm still waiting for the other schools to return my phone call.'

'You still think there's something there?'

'I don't know Capt. There's just something I can't put my finger on.'

'Ok. You stay with it.'

'Amanda, where are we with Michael Hopkins?'

'He still hasn't turned up. Parole is looking for him with all urgency.'

'We really need to find him. Stay on them.'

'Nick, expand the background searches to other parents etc. Liv, can help with that. Fin and Amanda I want you to stay with the search. Amanda, if you are needed by parole that's your priority. John, you liaise with the families and help with the tip line. I have to give a press conference at 12 so any new leads come straight to me. Guys, I know we spread pretty thin here but we on 24hrs missing here. If you are separated from your partner, keep checking in with each other at regular intervals. Oh yeah and start the crib rotation later this afternoon.'

Almost before her phone hit the holder, Olivia was standing up and making her way to the captain's office. As she walked pass Nick's desk she beckoned him to follow her. She knocked on the captain's door twice and he waved her in.

'Captain, I think I may have something.'

'Great. What you've got?' By this time, Nick had signalled John to also join them.

'I've just spoken to the last two principals at the schools where Michael Hopkins worked in 2009 and 2011. They initially were hesitant to speak to me but then they opened up. Both schools had similar stories. The one where he worked in 2009 said he spent a lot of time talking to the young girls during breaks, he seemed to always be cleaning the yard when the girls had sport on etc. They asked him to leave because the school felt too uncomfortable with his relations with the girls. The last school had a similar story but by then he'd escalated to where someone saw girls visiting his cottage on the grounds. He was dismissed for having the girls at his place.

'And no one put this pattern together before now?' Nick growled.

'Ok Olivia. Great work! Nick you and…'

'Sir, if I may. I know I'm meant to be on desk duty but I'd like to run with this.'

'It's your lead, Liv. Take Nick with you and see what this guy has to say for himself. Nick, you stick to Liv like glue, you hear me?'

'Wouldn't have it any other way, sir.' Nick said as he and Liv were already half way out the door.

'Munch, I want you to pick up Amanda and go back to the school where he had girls at his cottage and see if you can talk to these girls. Having Amanda with you might help them open up if anything happened.'

'On it Captain.'

'Like glue huh' Olivia said smiling as she looked over at Nick while he was driving.

'Just a saying' Nick replied, relieved that Olivia was taking the time to appreciate the lighter side of things.

'What type of glue are you?' Olivia was now enjoying this fun exchange in the midst of a tough day.

'The kind that sticks. I hate it when you glue something and it does not stick!'

Olivia fell silent and Nick could feel the fun moment had past and the tension building up inside his partner. Last time she interrogated a suspect he broke into her home and changed her life forever.

'Liv. I mean it. I stick. You have done your homework on this guy so you need to take the lead here. Try get under his skin and rattle his cage so we can see if his hiding something. But Liv, I HAVE your back here. Seriously.'

Instead of some wise crack like she would normally make, Olivia simply look over at her partner of two years and said, 'Thanks Nick.'

They were in the middle of interviewing the couple when Olivia asked to where the bathroom was. Nick knew Olivia's play and that she didn't really need the bathroom but he was a bit apprehensive about letting her out of his sight. He figured that as long as he kept them both busy she would be fine.

'So Miss Kerry, you were the one who raised the alarm when you realized the girls weren't back in your class after break?'

'Yes, I was. It took me awhile because we were doing an activity that required the kids to work in pairs and because Sarah and Kathy were teamed up I didn't notice that they were gone straight away. I wish I had.'

'And you sir? I know you've helped us a lot with the search of the grounds. But when did you start searching.'

'Um… Well… Once the principal alerted the school staff to the fact that the girls were missing I started to look through the grounds and the outside buildings…But they just were nowhere to be found… I can't believe they vanished so quickly. What do you think happened?'

'Well…' Nick had to say something but he could potentially be talking to the perpetrators so he didn't want to show them all their cards, 'we have a range of possibilities and at the moment we just trying to narrow it down.'

'So you have no solid leads yet?' asked Donna Kerry who was visibly upset at this stage.

'Nick. Captain called. He needs us back at the house.' Olivia announced as she walked back into the room.

'Ok. Sorry but we need to go. We'll keep you updated as far as we can.' Nick greeted the young couple as he followed his partners lead.

As soon as they were in the vehicle and the engine was running Nick prompted his partner, 'What did you find?'

'Someone has definitely used bleach in the bathroom. You can smell it and the bathroom is just too clean. I saw what seemed to be a set work book under the one bed in the spare bedroom. I know it's nothing definitive and it's not enough to get a warrant….'

'But it's all adding up. Phone Cragen fill him in.'

As soon as they walked back into the squad room Cragen called them into his office.

'Hi Barb.'

'Hey Olivia. Welcome back.'

'I've filled Barb in on the latest and we just waiting for Fin to call and confirm…'

As the captain was speaking his phone rang and he picked it up on the second ring.

'Hi Fin…. Yes… Ok… Thanks.' He put the phone down.

'Ok Fin has just confirmed that the book Olivia saw is indeed the book that the class of the two girls' class is reading at the moment. Barb?'

'I'll admit it's a bit on the thin side but considering the situation I'll try and get a judge to sign off on a warrant. You all just get ready to move once I get it, ok?'

'We'll be ready.' Replied Cragen.


	8. Chapter 8: Trying to get to the Truth

**Really sorry for the wait. Hopefully I'll get a few chapters up this week to make up for it. Please send me some reviews. Thanks for reading. T**

Chapter 8

As Olivia walked back to her desk, she saw a parcel on her desk. Moving closer she noticed it was a single rose and some chocolates and peanuts. She looked questioning at Amanda and Fin.

'Don't look at us. We've just come back from the other school.'

Olivia sat down and found the note with the goodies. She opened it.

'_Hey you. Tough first case back. Thought you could use something to boost your energy._

_Whenever you feel ready, I'm here. Take your time, you're worth the wait. B.'_

Olivia sat back in her chair, still holding the note in her hand, smiling. '_I'm here. Take your time, you're worth the wait.' Those were words she had never heard in her life. She had thought for sure she'd lost him when she pushed him away a few weeks ago. It appeared that he hadn't gone far. He knew she was working this case… He probably knew the by now they were all running on fumes, hence the energy boost. And he knew that this would be a tough case for her first up. She liked the way he'd let her know he was still interested without forcing her to see him. _

'And that smile?' Amanda quizzed Olivia as she walked by. It was good to see her friend with a smile on her face.

'Um, maybe not everything in my life is as messed up as I thought.' Olivia said shyly as she walked over to pour herself a coffee.

'Liv. Don't even think about that.' Nick said as he walked into the squad room. 'We've got the warrant.'

'Too late. I'd already put action to the thought.' Olivia said as she walked back to her desk empty handed and put on her jacket.

'Fin. Amanda. Go with Liv and Nick. Be safe guys.' Cragen said as he stood at his door.

Sitting in the car as Nick drove, she was playing with her phone. Suddenly she opened it and started typing.

'_Going to serve a warrant on the guy we think took the girls. Thanks for the boost._

_Can I call when I get a moment? Liv'_

A few minutes later while they were still on route, her phone beeped.

'_Hey. Call anytime. Working a double. Be careful. B'_

She allowed her head to rest on the back of her chair. Maybe there was light at the end of this very dark tunnel.

They had been interviewing the two suspects for three hours by now. Nick and Olivia had been going at Philip Martin and Fin and Rollins had been busy with Donna Kerry.

'Just tell us what you did with them. Are they still alive?' Snapped Nick.

'Wouldn't you like to know.' Came the sarcastic reply.

Just then there was a knock on the window. The Captain giving them the signal that he wanted to speak to them.

The Captain gathered his detectives in his office. He needed to see where they were at both with the case as well as individually. They were nearing the end of the second day on a very difficult case and he needed to check where his detectives were at.

Fin and Amanda were the first to file in to Cragen's office. Fin stood on the side of Cragen's office with his hands in his pocket and Amanda took a seat in one of his chairs towards the back. Nick and Olivia quickly followed and Nick stood forward lean against the back of a chair. Olivia stood opposite Fin on the other side of Cragen's office. The captain looked between the four and knew he had his work cut out for him. His crew were tired, very tired but he had to motivate them to keep going, they still had two missing children.

'I sent a uni to go wake up Munch, Captain.' Fin spoke.

And just as he did there was a knock on the door and Munch walked in.

'Sorry I'm late Captain'

'No problem John. Ok, where are we?'

'Captain, they sticking to their story and not giving us anything.' Nick said quite dejectedly.

All the others just stood silently. Captain Cragen drew in a deep breath.

'OK guys. I know you are all extremely tired. We've been going for almost two days. But we have to remember why we are all here. We have two ten year old girls, who knows where and in what shape, we can't stop now. Any suggestions?'

'What if we swop suspects? Try to use the fact that we've been in with the other and they've spoken to us.'

'Could work.' Olivia replied.

'Ok. Let's try that. Have we heard anything back from forensics?'

The room remained silent. The captain took the silence as a no.

'Ok, someone phone them and tell them to kick some ass. We need something as in yesterday! Who's next in the crib?'

Each of them looked at each other. The all were so tired. Fin spoke first.

'Amanda, you go. I'll take the next one .'

'Thanks Fin.'

'I'll phone forensics.' Olivia offered

'Ok. Munch you partner with Fin and take Philip Martins. Liv and Nick, you have a go at Miss Kerry.' All the detectives start

The captain sat back down at his desk and put on his glasses. He was going nowhere tonight. His team needed him, if only for moral support.

Olivia put down her phone. She'd just spoken to forensics and they assured her that they too were working though the night to get them any piece of evidence they could find.

She pushed her chair back with all intention of getting up and finding Nick so they could start speaking to Donna Kerry. But she just sat there with her elbows on her knees and her head hanging down. She was truly tired. Then it dawned on her, she promised to call Brian hours ago. She grabbed her phone and started texting.

'_So sorry haven't called. Have had no time. Suspects not giving it up. We've had 15min break, heading back in now. Liv.'_

She then put her phone back in the drawer and went to find Nick.

'I can't help you. I don't know anything.' Kerry said

'Ok. Let' try this once again. When last did you see the girls?' Olivia tried to press the reset button for the third time. Maybe if they could catch her changing any detail in her story, they could force her into telling the truth.

'As I said before, detectives, I saw the girls as the kids went out to recess and that it the last time I saw them.'

'And after recess, it took you more than half an hour to discover the two of your students did not return after the break?' Nick said as he walked around the room.

'I wish I had noticed it earlier, but we were doing an activity which required the children to move around. So, I'm very sorry but I didn't notice that they didn't return.'

'So how do you think a book that your class were reading landed up under the bed in your spare room?'

'Maybe it fell out of my bag.'

'Do you normally take you schoolwork into your spare bedroom?' Olivia questioned the teacher. 'Because I know I don't often go into my spare room with my daily bag.'

'I guess not.'

'So how did it land up under the bed?'

'I don't know! I don't know!'

'Could it be that they were in your spare bedroom?' Nick was now leaning on the table.

'I guess so but why?'

'Could they of gone home with Michael?'

'No he loves children. He knows it's against the rules to have the school kids at our house.'

'But he has done it before. Hasn't he?'

'What?! No! You lying to me! I want my lawyer!'

By 11pm that night both suspects had lawyered up. The detectives were frustrated that they had being unable to get more out of the suspects. With both of them hiding behind their lawyers, the detectives spent the rest of the night trying to find any piece of evidence or information that they could use to get a confession or that would lead them to the girls.

During the night Fin and Munch both had their turns in the crib. And although the detectives were getting some sleep, it wasn't restful sleep or nearly long enough to allow them to feel rested. It purely was enough to keep them going.

At 7am Olivia sat at her desk, she knew she had to go speak to her Captain. He had offered to help her whenever she needed but she still hated asking for favours especially when they were in the middle of a case. She could just cancel but she also knew how important it was for her to keep these appointments and she knew cancelling one would make it easier for her to keep cancelling every time something came up. With one last deep breathe she got up and walked towards his office'

She knocked on his door before opening it.

'Captain, a word?'

'Sure Liv, what's up?'

'Um, it's not about the case.'

'That's okay. Have a seat.'

'You know when you said if I needed anything….'

'And I meant it, Liv'

'Thanks Captain. My therapy sessions…..um, I try to schedule them at the end of the day but this week the Doc could only see me in the morning.' Cragen was glad she had come to him but he could see how difficult it still was for her to accept that she needed help.

'What time?

'8am. But if you need me here I can reschedule. I'll just say we working a case and …'

'Liv, its okay. Go. Actually I was thinking that giving you all some time away from this case would be helpful. So go to your session and maybe go grab a bite to eat somewhere. I'll see you at 11am. And Liv I know you didn't get a chance in the crib last night, so work that into your day.' He could see she was going to protest. 'Fair is fair Liv. They all going to get time off even when they slept last night. Same goes for you'

Olivia just nodded.

The captain walked Olivia out his office.

'Listen up guys,' he said to get his troops attention. 'Day 3, new rules. Everyone gets three hours off in the next twenty-four hours to get out of here. This does not replace the hours in the crib. So even if you get the one, you also take the other. Captain's orders. When you are working I need your head in the game. Liv's going to start the out-of-office rotation. Back to work.'

Cragen turned around and put his hand on Olivia's shoulder. 'Take it easy on yourself, ok?'

'I'll try.'

Olivia walked to her desk to retrieve her things out of her desk.

'So what you gonna do with your three hours?' Amanda and Fin both looked at her with a smile.

'Following up on a secret package that landed on your desk yesterday?'

'I wish. Got somewhere I must be. Sorry have to run. Tell Nick when he gets up?'

'Sure. Ok. See you Liv.'

Fin could only think ok a few appointments that Olivia would leave work for in the middle of a case and neither would be considered fun.


	9. Chapter 9: Soul Searching

Chapter 9

'You look very tired today, Olivia. Trouble sleeping?' Dr Jessica Carter said as they were both settling down in their seats.

'Well, I guess you can kinda say that.' Olivia replied as she reached across the couch to retrieve a pillow and bring it to her chest and hug it. 'Um… you know that I went back to work three days ago.'

Dr Carter nodded without saying a word. She knew returning to her job would be difficult for Olivia.

'We caught that case of the missing girls. Apart from Cragen, none of us have been home since they went missing.'

Dr Carter sat forward. This was indeed a difficult situation she would have to give Olivia a lot of support.

'Wow. When did you start on the case?'

'Almost immediately. The morning I went in, my captain spoke to me and said he'd like me to take it slow initially and maybe be on desk duty for a few days. Normally, I would protest but I was quite happy easing back into things. A few hours later we got the call and again initially I was coordinating things from the precinct but by yesterday I found myself back in the field, going to interview our suspects.'

'Ok… Olivia, right now, can you tell me how you are?'

Olivia stayed silent for a moment, tracing the pattern on the pillow with her finger.

'Tired…. The captain said we must all have turns in the crib and when I went for my three hours yesterday… Amanda had to wake me up after two hours because I was….choking in my sleep… She just happened to be walking by when…'

'Another nightmare?'

Olivia just nodded.

'Ok. What else are you feeling?'

Again there was silence.

'Olivia?'

'Helpless. Again. We have two suspects but we can't make them tell us where the girls are.'

'Again?'

'Yes. When he….. had me. I…I mean… he made me do things I didn't want to. I had no control… It was just like all the times before. When I was undercover in the prison and Harris had me in the basement… when I was a kid…'

'You've had it rough, a lot of close calls. What happened when you were a kid?'

'Do we have to go there?'

Olivia, we don't _have to_, but I think we should.'

'Mom was always drinking, I never knew when she'd be home, what state she would be, whether she would have company, whether there would be food at home or whether she had used the food money for food.'

'Company? Would her 'company' ever try…'

'No,' Olivia interrupted her therapist mid sentence. 'Never sexually, anyways.'

'Olivia, you know sexual abuse is not the only kind of abuse that leaves scars.'

'Physically and verbally.' Olivia said softly.

'Ever told anyone?'

'Never had anyone to tell it to. I mean a teacher at school suspected and she often gave me extra attention, sometimes gave me food to take home which I had to hide from mom other she'd eat it herself. But in those days abuse was never spoken about.

'How did you cope with your home life?'

'I spent as much time as I could at school or at the library and when I _had _to go home I hid in my bedroom, slept a lot.… She would leave me alone when I slept. Sometimes I wouldn't see her for days. When I'd leave for school she'd be sleeping it off, and when I returned, well you always knew where to find mom at Happy Hour and she wouldn't be home before 11.'

'If you didn't run into her there would be no abuse, right.'

'Yeah.'

'What did you do for food?'

'Well, we got lunch at school. Sometimes if other kids left part of theirs on the tray…I'd steal it and take it home for dinner…'

'That's a hard life, Olivia.'

Olivia just shrugged her shoulders.

'I did what I had to to get by.'

'And you still are coping alone?'

'You get used to it after awhile.'

'Don't you think your friends want to help you through this latest trauma.'

'Maybe. Or maybe they just feel like they have to. Like it's another thing to do… another job.'

'Would you feel like that if you were in their shoes?'

'No… but that's different.'

'How?'

'They…. deserve it.'

'Ah. And you don't?'

'My own mother didn't like me. She couldn't stand to look at me. She said so. Said I reminded her of _that _night, of what he did to her. How I came to be. '

'Olivia, why do you do the work you do?'

'To help people. To stop what happened to my mother happening to others.'

'To stop other kids being in the situation you were in.'

'Suppose so.'

'How many victims have you helped?'

Olivia looked up, the first time the therapist could remember Olivia making eye contact today.

'Oh I don't know….. hundreds?'

'And when will you have done enough to earn the right to feel loved, care for?'

'What?'

'Think about it, Olivia. When you help your victims you support them, care for them. And yet you won't allow people to do the same to you. I think you maybe feel you don't deserve that because of everything in your childhood.'

Olivia just sat there. Her mind wondering back to her childhood. So many images, words, feelings.

'Olivia?'

'Yeah sorry.'

'Olivia, I think we've done enough for today. But before you go I want to tell you something and then I would like you to try something this week.'

'Okay.'

'Firstly, Olivia everyone deserves to be loved. Everyone. And that includes you.'

Olivia was tracing the pattern again. _Loved. Her? Could someone change after 48 years?_

'Then, Olivia. I want you to allow someone to help you in a way you would normally allow or just let them in, just a bit further than normal. Can you do that?'

'I'll try.'

'And oh Olivia I know you're working a tough case. But you need to keep eating and try to get some rest. The flashbacks will only get worse if you are very tired.'

'Captain said I must grab a bit to eat before I head back. Sleep… I'll try.'

'Ok. Good. See you next week.'

'Yeah, thanks Doc.'

'Be safe Olivia.'

Olivia walked into the dinner where she usually came if she wanted to go out for breakfast.

'Detective Benson. Good morning. Nice to see you again.

'Thanks Ruby. Got a table for me?'

'Seems to me that your usual table is open. Shall I bring you a coffee?'

'Yes thanks. Um, can you also order me my usual breakfast. I don't have much time. I have to get back to the station.'

'Working on the missing girls case are you?'

'Yup.'

'Breakfast coming up as soon as possible.'

'Thanks, Ruby.' Olivia said as she walked to the table at the back of the room.

As Olivia sat down to wait for her breakfast, she pulled out her phone. She'd sent Brian a text when she left her therapist office to see if he could join her for a quick breakfast, but when she looked on her phone she saw that he had not replied. She guessed he went home after his shift and was sleeping.

Olivia sat eating her breakfast trying to prepare herself for another long shift but just thinking about the two missing girls led her back to that dark world she was trying to escape from.

'_Ah come on don't be shy. You were so sweet when you were knocked out.' Lewis was saying as he was picking her and the chair up from the floor. 'Another drink? Why don't I take off the tape so you can say yes.' That's when she felt the cold metal of her gun trace her face. "Oh, if you scream again, I'll shove your gun down your throat.' Just minutes later he was holding her phone to her ear and she was listening to Brian's voice saying how he couldn't meet her that night as he'd been pulled into working a double shift. She couldn't describe how she felt at that moment. Alone. Terrified. No one to come and save her. Olivia's mind skipped forward to today's therapy session._ 'Olivia, _I want you to allow someone to help you in a way you would normally allow or just let them in, just a bit further than normal. Can you do that?' How could she do that when at the moment she needed someone no one was around to help her. To save her.'_

'Detective Benson?' she could her name being called from a distance. 'Olivia?'

Olivia forced herself to follow the sound of the voice that was calling her.

'Oh, I'm so sorry for startling you, Detective.'

'It's ok Mike. How are you?'

Mike was Ruby's husband and they owned the coffee shop where Olivia and the other detectives of the unit often came to eat when they were on duty and had the time.

'I'm good, detective. Thank you. I just wanted to come over and say that it is so good to see you again and back at work. Olivia smiled. She could feel the warmth with which he said it.

'Thank you, Mike.'

'Oh by the way Detective, don't forget to pick up the rest of your order when you leave.'

'The rest of my order?' Olivia was confused.

'The other five breakfast rolls and coffees.'

'I….never ordered…..'

Mike gave Olivia a smile.

'And Detective there's no tab today. Just find those girls, ok?'

'Thank you, Mike. We're trying. Believe me.'

'I know you guys are. Stay safe Detective.'

As Mike disappear into the kitchen, Olivia stood up, left a big tip, collected the bag with the rolls in and the coffees and headed out to repay Mike for his kindness.


	10. Chapter 10: One down, One to go

Chapter 10

As soon as Olivia walked into the bullpen she knew that something had happened. They energy in the room was different.

'I smell food.' Munch walked towards Olivia's desk.

'I had breakfast at Ruby's and Mike's. They missed all of you so they sent you all some stuff.' She said as she handed Munch his coffee and roll.

'Thanks. We found Sarah.'

'What? Where?'

'In a shed on the school grounds. The unis had searched there before but it seemed that he kept moving them as we were searching the grounds. Its only when we kept him here that he couldn't stay ahead of us anymore.'

'And Kathy?'

'Nothing yet.'

'How is Sarah?'

'Scared. Shocked. Tired. She won't talk to us. Her parents are with her and Fin and Amanda are trying but not having much luck.'

'They in the kids room?'

'Yeah. Nick, is back at the school helping with the search.'

Olivia walked towards the room where they interviewed children. It was a special room which was setup to make kids feel that they are in a safe environment.

'Hey Captain. I heard. How is she doing?'

'Hey Liv. Not too well. She's shutting down. Even Amanda can't get her to open up. All we know thus far is he kept moving her around to avoid us finding her.'

Olivia just stood there and watched as Amanda and Fin talked to the young girl.

'Has she eaten yet?'

'No. We didn't think she would eat right now.'

Olivia took one last look at the scene around her and then walked out to her desk without saying a word.

Olivia sat down at her desk for a few moments. Her head swirling a bit. She had an idea but she didn't know if she could follow through. She wasn't sure if it would work and if she was ready. As she sat there she hadn't noticed that she had been rubbing her hands up and down her thighs. Finally she stood up and walked towards where she had just left her captain.

'Captain, may I have a word?'

Captain Cragen followed his detective into his office. He had been concerned that this case would get to her but he had hoped that she could work through it and come out the other side. He watched her pace up and down his office working through something in her head.

'Captain, I have an idea…' Olivia told him her idea all the while never standing still.

'Olivia, are you sure you want to do this?'

'No, I'm not. But Captain, she's not responding to Amanda or Fin. And we still have a missing girl out there that we need to find.'

The captain just nodded. He was concerned but what Olivia said was true.

'I have one request. Nobody except you and maybe her parents listens in.'

'Ok, Olivia. I'll brief the others while you prepare.'

'Thanks, Capt.

Olivia walked back into the squadroom with more self-assurance than she was feeling. She had just spent a few minutes on the roof gathering her thoughts. As she walked past Cragen's office she gave him a nod, signalling that she was ready to get going. Cragen went to the room where Fin and Amanda were still trying to get Sarah to talk to them, and pulled them out.

Olivia went to her desk and picked up some paperwork, one of the breakfast rolls, and two cans of cooldrink before heading towards the room where Sarah was. As she stood in front of the door she took a deep breath fbefore quietly knocking and then opening the door before closing it behind her.

'Good morning Sarah. My name is Olivia. May I please come sit here with you for awhile? I'd like somewhere quiet to sit for a bit.'

Sarah nodded. Olivia saw this as a positive start and sat down at the table across from the couch where Sarah was fiddling with to take a doll. Olivia put all her stuff down on the table.

'Sarah, I have just come back from breakfast and they people there gave me some extra food to bring back with me for the other detectives but my partner is out and I don't think the roll will be so nice after a few hours. So I thought maybe you'd like to eat it.'

Olivia put the roll and the cooldrink within range of Sarah but still a distance from her as to give her the option to take it or not. In the meantime Olivia started to get busy with the paperwork she had brought with. She knew for her plan work Sarah had to initiate the conversation. After a few minutes of silence Olivia saw Sarah come to join her at table and slide her hand across the table to retrieve the food. Without looking up from the work she was doing, Olivia opened the first can and put it in front of Sarah and open the second can and started drinking from it. Silence continue to fill the room as Sarah continued to eat. Finally, the moment that Olivia hoped would come came.

'What are you working on?'

'Ag, my captain has put me on desk duty so I have to do all the paperwork for all the cases that we are currently working on.' Replied Olivia, still not looking up from her work and in a tone that came across as she was only half interested in continuing the conversation.

'Are you a detective?'

'Yeah I am.'

'You don't like being on desk duty?'

Olivia took a chance by looking up briefly and look more interested in the conversation. 'No detective likes to work on the desk. We all like being in the field working cases not sitting doing paperwork.'

'So is he punishing you for something?'

Olivia took a deep breath. She still wasn't sure if she was strong enough to do this. 'No. I had to take some time off work so he is trying to easy me back into the job.'

'Oh. How long were you off work?'

'Six weeks.'

'Was it a holiday?'

'No, not really. It was more like sick leave.' Olivia knew she had to start turning the conversation towards the current situation. She'd given enough time for the girl to get comfortable.' She decided to give it a shot. 'Sarah, I'm working on the forms for your case. I was wondering if you could try and help me?'

Sarah didn't say anything but also didn't attempt to retreat from the detective sitting across from her. Olivia decided to start with some easy questions first to try to keep the girl from shutting down.

'Sarah, can you tell me did you see Miss Kerry when you were with Mr. Martins?'

'No.'

'Okay. Can you tell me when last you did see Miss Kerry?'

'In class.'

'Okay Sarah. Thank you. That helps me a lot.'

Sarah sat fiddling with the empty can in front of her. Olivia could sense the girl's nervousness.

'Sarah, you know you are safe here? No one will hurt you here. I'm tired of doing this paperwork. What do you say we pick out a game instead?'

The girl just nodded her head. Olivia got up and went over to the side of the room where they kept the games. 'Why don't you come help me choose something. Sarah slowly came towards Olivia and selected a puzzle of two ponies. Once both of them were sitting back at the table and Sarah started to pack out the pieces, Olivia tried again.

'When last did you see Kathy?' Olivia said as she was turning over the pieces for Sarah.

The little girl just shrugged her shoulders.

'Do you know that we are still looking for Kathy?' Sarah stopped what she was doing and looked at Olivia who in turn just kept push the puzzle pieces around in order to encourage the girl to keep playing while they spoke. 'It would help us to know when you saw her last.'

A few moments past and as eager as Olivia was for answers, she knew that she couldn't rush Sarah. 'He took her first.' The young girl replied very softly.

'Okay Sarah. Where were you when he took Kathy?'

'In his house. In the spare room.'

'Sarah now I want to ask you a question, but no matter what you say to me you won't be in trouble, ok?' Once again the youngster only nodded. 'Why did you go with Mr. Phillips to his house?'

'He said that Miss Kerry asked him to ask us to go with him to fetch something from his house for our class project that we were doing. But he lied.'

'I'm sorry Sarah.' The way in which the younger girl had said the last sentence tore at Olivia's heart strings and told her that it would be a long time before she would trust someone again. The girl continued out of her own accord.

'When he took Kathy, he told me he would hurt Kathy if I screamed or tried to get away. So I just sat on the bed waiting for him to bring her back. He never did. I should of tried to get away. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.' She cried. Suddenly she pushed the half-built puzzle on the floor and ran to the couch at the back of the room.

Olivia got up and followed her. 'Sarah,' Olivia said in the gentlest tone she could as she knelt in front of the girl. 'I want you to listen to me. What happened was not your fault, ok?'

'But I should of tried to escape or call for help. Something.' By now Sarah was crying so hard all Olivia could do was hold her.


	11. Chapter 11: Talking to Sarah

Hi All, this is the second last chapter I have saved, so it might take me a few days to write up the next few chapters. I'd love to get some reviews while I am typing.

Chapter 11

As Captain Cragen watched the scene unfold, he knew it was taking all Sarah's parents willpower not to run into the room and comfort their daughter.

'Mrs and Mr Bell, I want to assure you Detective Benson is the best we have. She's been doing this for a long time and she is exceptionally good with children. If anyone can get through to your daughter right now its her.'

Both parents turned and nodded at Cragen before returning their gaze to where their traumatized little girl was. As the parents returned their gaze to their daughter, Cragen's gaze returned to the woman he felt was almost liked his daughter. Traumatized herself, she was trying to use her experience as a SVU detective and as a recent victim to help two young girls, one of which was still missing. He just hoped that after this case he still had one of the best detectives working for him.

Olivia could feel the young girl start to relax and calm down in her arms. She gently released Sarah from her arms and just sat in silence. Olivia keeping a close eye on the girl at all times. After a few moments, Olivia slowly got up, walked towards the place where the puzzle now lay scattered on the floor, knelt down and started to pick the pieces up. Sarah came to join her and helped to collected pieces.

'I'm sorry I threw it to the ground.' Sarah said softly.

'Sarah, its fine. Don't worry about it. It is alright to be frustrated or angry at the moment.'

'Where did he take Kathy? Do you think she is alive? Can you find her?'

'Sarah, we are trying very very hard to find her. I promise you our team is doing our best.'

'I just wish I could do more…'

'I know sweetheart. I know you do.'

Suddenly Olivia had an idea. 'Listen Sarah, I just want to go speak to my captain and then I'll be back. Can you give me a moment?'

'Okay Olivia.' Came the response.

Olivia came out the room where she'd just been for about an hour and leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. Just then Captain Cragen and Sarah's parents came around the corner.

'Olivia?' Captain Cragen was intrigued why Olivia had suddenly exited the room.

'Hi Capt. Mrs and Mr Bell.'

'She's starting to trust you.' The captain said out aloud for all present to heard, 'why leave now?'

'Um… Captain, I'd like to move this to a place where she's more relaxed, more assure of herself. At the moment she's in a strange place, scared, talking about a fearful time. She's not going to open up totally.'

'Where are you thinking of Liv?'

'Not sure yet, Capt.' Olivia looked at Sarah's parents. 'Is there anywhere quiet, but where Sarah feels comfortable and safe, other than your house?'

'Just opposite our building there is a playground where she likes to play. It should be fairly quiet because its really only used after school hours. There might be a few caregivers with small kids but it shouldn't be too busy.'

'Olivia, what do you think could that work?'

Olivia turned to the window and look at Sarah who had picked up a doll and started to play with it. Her head lifted a bit higher when she realized that Sarah was playing with a doll.

'Captain, the doll…'

Immediately Captain Cragen knew what Olivia was thinking. 'Go Liv. Just remember we have the park option.'

Almost as soon as the captain had finished his sentence, Olivia was in the room.

'I see you found a friend.' Olivia said as she rejoined Sarah. 'What is her name?'

'Um…. Carmen.'

'Ok.' Olivia reached for another doll and started to play with her.

'What's her name?' asked Sarah

'Mandy.' Replied Olivia. The two continued to play with the dolls for a few minutes before Olivia took another chance at getting some more information from Sarah. 'Sarah, when Mr. Martins had you in the room, did he touch you anywhere?'

'Not like you think.' Came Sarah's reply.

'How do you know what I'm thinking about?'

'Because my parents told me no one is allowed to touch me in those areas.' Sarah demonstrated the areas she was speaking about on the doll.

'Ok Sarah. Your parents taught you correctly. No one is allowed to touch you there.' She said very tenderly. 'But sometimes people don't listen to what we want and they do very bad things to us anyways. If Mr Martins or anyone has ever touched you, you do know that it is not your fault and you wouldn't be in any trouble if you told us?'

'No one has ever touched me there.'

'Ok Sarah. I just had to check.'

Standing next to Sarah's parents Captain Cragen could see the relief wash over their faces, at least their daughter had not been sexually assaulted during the time their daughter was missing. They were all still quietly being thankful for that, that no one saw what was coming next. As captain Cragen listened, his stomach clenched tight and he felt could feel the bile rising, like the day he read the report a few weeks earlier. Yet nothing had prepared him for hearing it in her own voice.

'Olivia, can I ask you a question?'

'Sure thing baby'

'Has anyone touched you _there _when you didn't want them to?'

Olivia felt like she'd just been blindsided. It wasn't often when a victim asked that question back to her. She wasn't quite sure how to handle this now. She took a few minutes to think before she answered. She decided than there might be some benefit to be truthful, after all she was asking a ten year old to be honest with her.

'Sadly Sarah, if I was to be honest with you as you are with me I'd have to say yes to your question.'

Sarah looked sadly at Olivia when she asked, 'didn't you ask him to stop?'

'Sarah, I did ask him.'

'Did he?'

'No.' Was all Olivia could say. She felt her lips starting to quiver so she got up to fetch another doll from the corner. She needed to get her emotions under control and quick! This was definitely not the time to break. She hoped that by the time she got back to the table Sarah would have forgotten about the topic but she was in no such luck.

'Olivia?'

'Did you tell your dad what happened?'

'Baby, I don't have a dad anymore.' In a way it was the truth. The man was dead, although she never knew him.

'Sorry.' Was all Sarah said.

'Thank you Sarah.' Olivia said with meaning.

'Sarah, when Mr. Martins took Kathy away, how long was it before he came back?'

'About 20 minutes. I checked on the clock.'

'Sarah, that is very helpful! Thank you. Did you hear him leave with a vehicle or do you think they walked?'

'I didn't hear a car. They must of walked.'

'Ok.'

'Olivia?'

'Yes Sarah.'

'I'm tired.'

'Okay baby.' She turned and nodded towards the window. 'I think you've done extremely well today. If you go home now, can I come visit you tomorrow?'

The girl nodded just as the door opened and her parents came into the room followed by Cragen who had concern edged all over his face.

'You did good, Liv.'

'Thanks Capt. Not a lot but I think that's as much as she'd give us today.'

'Liv, she gave us a few details that no one else could and you helped us get them.' He tried to meet her eyes but she wouldn't meet his.

'Sir, could I have a few minutes?'

'Liv, are you ok?'

'Fifteen minutes?'

'Of course, Liv.'

Before she left the room she went to greet Sarah and assure her she would visit Sarah the next day. After Sarah and her parents thanked Olivia, she walked out of the room and left the squadroom.


	12. Chapter 12: Pieces

**Hey guys, had a busy day yesterday so I only have another two chapters for you. I really want to thank****SVUAdDict (Guest) for the lovely review she/he sent me. It made my day! These two chapters move away from the case a bit but I promise to get back to the case soon. T **

Chapter 12

When Olivia left the room where she had been with Sarah, she walked into the squadroom and she saws Amanda at her desk. Amanda looked like she wanted to speak to her.

'Amanda, can you just give me a few minutes. I'll be back in a few.'

'Sure Liv.'

Olivia hoped no one would be in the ladies loo. She just needed to compose herself. As she sat relieving herself, her mind took a trip of its own.

'_Olivia, can I ask you a question?'_

'_Sure thing baby'_

'_Has anyone touched you there when you didn't want them to?'_

'_Sadly Sarah, if I was to be honest with you as you are with me I'd have to say yes to your question.'_

'_Didn't you ask him to stop?'_

'_Sarah, I did ask him.'_

'_Did he?'_

'_No.' _

'_Olivia?'_

'_Did you tell your dad what happened?' _

'_Baby, I don't have a dad anymore.'_

Tears started to fall involuntarily. She shook her head trying to get a grip but instead she just felt more and more tears build up behind those that had just fallen. She felt like every time she took one step forward, she took two steps back. Here she was in the middle of a shift, having just connected with a victim, a thing she had done so well for years, but instead of feeling like she was getting her stride back, she was sitting in a cubical in the woman's bathroom reduce to tears. So much for getting her life back. All of a sudden she broke. Sliding down the wall until she sat on the floor with her knees pulled up towards her stomach, she cried so hard she thought her heart was going break. She was crying for all the days she would not allow herself to, for being so alone in this harsh world, for not having a real family when she was growing up, for all the things she had seen during her years as a cop, for the way Harris had assaulted her, and for her latest encounter with that monster. Somewhere during her breakdown she heard footsteps enter the room and then leave she hadn't had the willpower to stop herself from crying and although she would normally chastise herself, right now she couldn't. She was cracking, falling apart and there was no one to help her pick up the pieces. Or so she thought.

Amanda not knowing what to do, but knowing she needed to do something, softly knocked at her captain's door. He acknowledged her request without even lifting his gaze to meet hers.

'Whats up, Amanda?' He said while he continued to write.

'Um… Capt. We have a problem.' She spoke so hesitantly and with such sadness that at once he looked up and she had his full attention.

She cried even harder because there was no one to catch her as she was falling, she hadn't heard the heavy steps coming towards her. Suddenly she felt as if someone was quietly sitting on the floor just beyond the door of the stall. For a while the person just sat there and she wasn't sure who it was. She tried to compose herself butt after all the crying she had just done, it would take some time. Instead of speaking to her, she saw him just slip his hand under the door of the stall. She looked at it for a moment before she saw the fingers silently calling hers over to it. She obliged. The feel of a human touch set her off yet again. But instead of him consoling her with words, his fingers just wrapped tighter around her damp hands.

After a few minutes, as she was starting to regain her composure, he spoke for the first time.

'Can you please open the door?' He sensed she was scared to allow anyone to see her in the state she was currently in. So he spoke again. 'I have put a sign on the door, no one will dare to come in here. We are alone, Liv. Please open up.'

He held his breath as she withdrew her hand from his. He hoped she was going to open the door and not recoil further from him. Seconds passed and it felt like hours but finally he heard her slide the lock and very slowly open the door.

'Hey Liv.' Was all the older man said as she slowly came into view.

She was surprised at what she saw. The older man, whom she'd grown to admired and love beyond their professional relationship was sitting on the floor, with his back against the wall and he was looking at the ceiling with tears streaming down his face. It was a few minutes before either one spoke.

'It's hard isn't it?' He said.

She wasn't sure what he was referring to so she kept quiet.

'Been alone.' He clarified. 'Long before we ever started here, heck, I think you were probably in still school, I met Bronwyn. We got married about two years after we met and about a year later we were expecting our first child. I had just made detective and life was good. Then all of a sudden in her seventh month Bronwyn went into premature labour. The doctors did all they could but then could save our daughter.' Don stopped to take a breath before he continued. 'Just as we had recovered from the lost, she found a lump in her breast. We fought for two long years. Man, she fought hard, as hard as I've seen anyone fight, but eventually she was tired and then she was gone. In three short years I had lost the two most important people in my life. I was devastated. I had no idea how to put my life back together or even how to start. So I made a very stupid mistake and I turned to the bottle.'

'Don, I never knew. I'm so sorry.' She crawled over and sat next to him. This time it was her who stretched out her hand for his. They sat in silence again, each lost within their thoughts.

'Liv, please I can't lose another daughter….'

Her head flew in his direction. She was confused.

'I know you Liv. You are the strong one. The one the others look up to and follow. They follow your lead, draw their strength from you, learn from you. But behind it, you are just a woman, the little girl, who never got the love and support you desired and deserved. You were left to stand by yourself way too early, had no one to rely on and had to grow up too fast, shoulder too much responsibility. I see you now out there, trying to be who people need you to be, who you think you ought to be but you are cracking and you spending all your time and effort trying to hold things together that there's nothing left for you to use to heal yourself.'

Olivia felt the tears starting to follow again and as per normal she started to shift away from her companion. But as she did that he slipped his arm around her and pulled her in closer. 'Not this time, girl.' Cragen whispered in her ear. As he held her she started to relax and then slowly she turned to him and started to cry into his shoulder. The fact that someone was holding her just too much to continue to hold it all in. After a few minutes she started speak in a voice that Cragen wasn't familiar with.

'Why? Why do bad things keep happening to me?'

'I don't know Liv. I don't know.'

'Don, he touched me, I couldn't help it, I was tied up, drugged and when I awoke, the burns… they were there.'

Don knew what she was referring to. He had read the report but hearing her verbalise what he had done, just broke his heart all over again.

'Why do they always hurt me?'

_Had he heard her correctly? Had she just said 'they'? As far as they knew Lewis had worked alone. Who was she referring to? _

'Liv. Who are 'they'?'

'Lewis and Harris.'

Cragen's head fell backwards. _Of course. How could he not have made the connection! It was only reasonable that the latest attack, though much much worse than the previous, would bring back memories of when she was sexually assaulted while being uncover in a woman's prison._

Cragen slowly eased her away from himself and then took both her face in both his hands and spoke the next words as tenderly but as full of confidence as he could. 'Liv. Listen to me. You can come back from this. I know you can.'

'Don, I don't know how.'

'Liv, do you trust me?'

'Yes Don.'

'Ok, please will you let me show you how?'

Olivia didn't know what to say.

'Olivia, as your friend, please allow me to help you?'

'Okay. I'll try.'

'Thank you Liv.' He said as they started to get up from the bathroom floor.

Olivia was already up and making her way towards the sink to wash her face when Cragen spoke.

'Hey, help an old guy up?'

Olivia smiled and walked back to give Don a hand up.

'Captain, I don't know how I'm going to leave the bathroom. I look like crap!'

'That's why I brought this with me when I came in.' Olivia looked down and saw her captain bring her handbag towards her. 'I can't really have my detective held hostage in the bathroom by her looks, can I?'

'Thanks Cap.'

'Liv, take your time to regroup and then meet me in my office.'

'Don, I've already taken too much of your time…..'

'Liv, my office when you ready.'

Olivia knew right there, she was no longer talking to Don, her friend. 'Yes, captain.'


	13. Chapter 13: Looking Ahead

Chapter 13

Cragen return to his office and shut the door. He sat back down behind his desk, and sighed. He was afraid that it would come to this but he had to act. If he didn't, it wasn't only her career that was on the line, but her sanity. He had a tentative plan up his sleeve from the moment she'd come back to work, but he had not spoken to anyone else about it. Now, it was time to put the plan into action. He only hoped Olivia would go along with it.

It was another fifteen minutes until Olivia walked back into the squadroom. Feeling a bit self-conscious about what had just transpired, she kept a low profile as she put her handbag in the bottom drawer of her desk and then headed towards the captain's office. His door was shut so she knocked and waited for him to give her permission to enter.

'Come in Olivia. Sit down. How you doing?'

'Ok, tired I guess. A bit embarrassed that I just felt apart at work. I'm so sorry Ca…'

'The first part of the sentence I accept. Not the second part. You have nothing to be sorry about.'

As Olivia was getting ready to say something, the Captain raised his finger. 'Let me finish, Liv. We both have been doing this job for a long time.' The captain rose from behind his desk and walked to the other side of his office from where he could survey the people who worked under his command. 'Liv, there is a reason why detectives don't stay long in this unit, unlike some other units, our work is emotional, draining, sometimes dirty. Because of the nature of the cases and the victims, we push ourselves harder, work longer hours, and because of that many of us can't keep up a decent kind of life outside of work. We don't only put our lives on the line but our hearts and souls too.' The captain walked back to his desk before he continued but he remained standing, resting his hand on his chair.

'Liv, come sit in my chair for a few minutes.'

'What? Why?'

'Just do it, will you?'

Olivia stood up, walked around the table and gingerly sat down in her captain's chair.

'How does it feel?'

Olivia sat staring up at her captain not sure what she was suppose to say or where this conversation was going.

'Liv, we need to talk.'

Olivia inwardly started to cringe. _The way Captain started the conversation by referring to detectives not staying in the unit long she didn't really want to hear the rest of the conversation. She had a feeling that the captain was going to tell her it was time to transfer to another unit… her job at SVU would soon become yet another thing that Lewis took from her. _

Olivia started to stand but her captain indicated that she should remain seated in his seat. Instead he took seat on the edge of his desk . 'Olivia in the next few months or a year things are going here quite a bit. John and I are both feeling the pressure from above to put our papers in. John has indicated that he will be doing it sooner than later. I might try and hang on for a bit longer, maybe a few months. Olivia, I asked you to sit in the Captain's chair for a reason. I've haven't told you this yet but for awhile now I have seen the ability in you to one day sit in this chair and own it.'

Shock spread all over Olivia's face. This conversation was definitely not going the direction she thought it would.

'Don't tell me your haven't thought about it, Liv?'

'Uh….um, Captain. Actually I haven't. I'm only a detective.'

'And one of the best at that. Liv, obviously you won't take over from me, you've still got a way to go, but I think one day you'll make a mighty fine captain.'

'Wow. Thank you Don.'

Cragen stood up and picked up a file from inside a cupboard and sat back down on his desk.

'Liv, when John leaves I'll need a sergeant and I'll prefer if it be one of our own. What do you think about slowly studying for the exam?'

'To be honest sir, this conversation is going in the opposite direction to where I thought it would.'

'Aah. You thought that after your meltdown I'de send you packing?'

All Olivia could do was smile and nod.

'Liv, we are all human, even the great Olivia Benson. When you came back, I was expecting you to crack at some point. But Liv, life is not about how we fall, it's about how we get back up. You are a fantastic SVU detective and if you decide to move on, let that be your decision, but until then this is where you excel. You've been back three days and your first case back hasn't been the easiest. We all tired and drained, running on fumes. Heck, you haven't been home since you walked in here on Monday! Let's not judge your ability to be part of this squad on one lousy hour after you've been so instrumental in this case.'

'I love being in this unit, Cap. I feel this is home. I've done stints in other units, computer crimes and even with the FBI but after all is said and done, I come back…. I come home. The fact that you see me leading a unit such as this in a few years means a lot to me.'

'Liv, you already leading this unit in a way. We both know you my senior detective and the others look to you for leadership, especially when you all out in the field. You play a huge role in this unit and that's why I would like you to make it official and take the sergeant's exam.'

'Thank you sir. I am interested sir but I would like to take a minute and get back on my feet first.'

'Of course Liv. When you are ready, the file will be in this cupboard.'

'Thank you so much Don.'

'Liv, I want to ask you a favour.'

'Okay?'  
'Liv, I need you to be part of this investigation. We still have a missing girl out there and you have established a connection with Sarah and you were the one who found Philip Martins, so you need to be a part of the rest of the investigation. But today has been such an emotional day, why don't to take the rest of the day and come back fresh tomorrow morning.'

'Sir, we haven't found Cathy. Don't you need everyone here helping to find her?'

For a moment Captain Cragen was silent. 'Liv, a ten year old girl has been missing for three days. The guy we think took her has been here for more than 24hrs. We both have a sense of what is coming, as difficult as it is to think about. Everyone is so tired, I will need fresh eyes tomorrow if we going to solve this case. Liv, this is the kind of things you can teach the young ones, when to step back so that the work can continue tomorrow.'

'Give me fifteen minutes to wrap things up? Before I went to the bathroom Amanda wanted to ask me something. I just want to check in with her.'

Cragen nodded. 'Then you get out of here, ok?'

'Will do.'

Olivia got up and gave Cragen his chair back. When she was halfway to the door, Olivia turned around and made her way back to Cragen who was still standing behind his desk. The next minute the Captain was wrapped in a hug. 'Thank you.' Came the whisper in his ear.


	14. Chapter 14: Taking a Break

**Hey all. SO sorry for the delay! I had no internet last weekend and this week has been so busy! Anyway here are 2 chapters, I'll try upload more this weekend.**

**Thank you so much to those who are following my story and especially**_** ReaganBaby, SVU Lover, **_**and **_**Casey Millington **_**who sent me reviews. I really appreciate the reviews.**

Chapter 14

Olivia left Cragen's office and made her way over to Amanda's desk.

'Amanda, I'm sorry. You wanted to ask me something before I left to go to the bathroom.'

Amanda looked up from her work. She was so surprised that after what had happened in the last hour, Olivia had remembered that Amanda had called her earlier. The fact that Olivia had remembered just added to the respect Amanda already had for her mentor.

'Um, yes, but Liv it can wait. It isn't urgent.'

Olivia sat down in the empty chair next to Amanda's desk. 'Amanda, thanks but I'm ok. What ya need?'

'I was just going through these forms and I came to this one and I wasn't sure how to do it. We didn't use these back home.'

'Ok. Let's take a look.' Olivia moved her chair closer and proceeded to guide her young colleague through the paper work.

Five minutes later Amanda had more clarity on how to proceed with her work.

'Thanks Liv.'

'Thanks for calling the Captain for me.'

Amanda smiled. 'Didn't know what else to do. Liv, if I may, I just wanted to say, you are still amazing. He hasn't taken that from you. I still want to be like you when I grow up.' Both women immediately laughed.

'Thanks Amanda. Listen I am going to go home for a few hours.'

Amanda looked a bit shocked. Was this Olivia stepping back from an investigation? Maybe the incident had changed her more than Amanda had thought.

'Amanda, I'm not stepping back from this case.' It was as if Olivia had just read Amanda's thoughts. 'I'm just taking a few hours to regroup. I have to go see Sarah in the morning and I don't want any of my stuff getting in the way of my interview. The Captain also wants to start rotating us. As soon as this case ends and we get back to normal, there will be another case and another. We can't all collapse and spend two days in bed, we have to keep going, so at some point we all need to step back and take care of ourselves. I'm just starting it off. Understand?'

'Guess it make sense.'

'Okay then. I'll send you in the morning. You good?'

'Yes, Liv. Thanks.'

'Cool see you tomorrow.'

Olivia turned to see Casey sitting at her desk.

'Hey Case.'

'Hey Liv.'

'Are you offering to do my paperwork for me?'

Casey stood up and put her hands up in mock surrender. 'Definitely not! I just ran away from mine.'

'Ah. Then to what do I owe this mid afternoon visit?'

'Well, as I said I've been sitting caged up in my office all day and forgot to stop for lunch. I just thought may you would like to join me?'

'And this offer, had nothing to do with a phone call from Cragen about my morning?'

'Even if he did, I still haven't eaten and neither have you.'

Olivia glanced over at Cragen's office and saw a guilty look on his face.

'Well, I guess I need to eat before I fall into my bed.'

Olivia waved at Cragen, picked up her stuff and followed Casey out the precinct.

Olivia unlocked the door to her new apartment and walked in with Casey following close behind. They put their bags down on the kitchen counter.

'Want a cup of tea before you go?'

'Are you sure? You probably need to hit the sack.'

'Another twenty minutes won't make a huge difference.' Olivia started to get mugs out the cupboards and put the kettle on. They had had a lovely few hours. After she accepted Casey's invitation to lunch, they had gone to a small deli and had a delightful lunch. After bringing Casey up to date on the case they had kept to lighter topics during their conversations. Casey mentioned that she wanted to do a bit of shopping as she had to get new suits for court and Olivia decided to tag along. She was really tired but she had learnt a long time ago that she needed time to relax before she went to bed when they were involved in a tough case. They had spent around an hour and a half in the shops.

'Like what you've done with the place.' Casey laughed.

'You don't like my interior decorating skills?'

'Um, well not much skill involved when there is like nothing in the place.'

'I call it minimalistic.' Olivia laughed as she brought their teas through to the lounge. 'Actually most of my stuff is still at the old place. I plan on going over on Saturday to start packing the rest of the stuff up. I have about two weeks to clear out that place.'

'How you feel about going back?'

'Not keen. Being trying to avoid it. But it's something I need to do and get it over with.'

Casey inwardly came up with a plan that she would surprise her friend with.

Casey made sure that she didn't stay long so that Olivia could spend some time alone before going to bed. Olivia smiled as she returned their two cups to the kitchen. She had had a lovely afternoon with Casey. For a few brief hours she had put everything negative aside and felt relatively normal, something that she hadn't felt for awhile. Olivia walked towards that bathroom to run a nice hot bath and as it ran she added some bath salts to the water. As she disrobed Olivia took a few moments to look at herself in the mirror. In the first few weeks after her assault, Olivia did not try and look at the scars that were on her body as it immediately caused her to have a flashback but as time went by seeing the marks did not lead to a flashback. She knew that she had to start being acclimatised to seeing her new body because acceptance would lead to healing. She forced her mind to replay her afternoon with Casey and away from anything bad while she relaxed in the bath.


	15. Chapter 15: Nightmares

Chapter 15

Olivia woke up sweating and shaking. As soon as she could catch her breath, she slammed her arms into her bed. She was beyond frustrated. She wanted to get through one night without waking up every few hours. She was a grown woman, a cop no less, but she couldn't sleep through the night! She rolled over to see the clock show 4:15. She had gone to bed at 9:30, earlier than usual but because she had been had been working for three days straight and she was exhausted, she thought she could get a descent night's sleep. But she had been waking up every two hours. She sat up and allowed her legs to fall off the bed. She sat there leaning on her arms, her head hanging low. When was this going to end? Would it ever end? She finally decided to give up on sleep and start her day. She got up and walked to the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee.

By 5:10 she was walking into the squad room with her second cup of coffee. Amanda and Fin were at their desks when she walked in.

'Liv! When you said you'll be back in the morning we weren't expecting you so early!' Amanda said.

'Yeah baby girl. How was your time off?' Fin enquired.

'It was fine. Nice actually. Until I tried to get some sleep!' Olivia blurted out the last part before she could really sensor her words.

'Aah Liv.' Fin said sadly. He knew she was still dealing with a lot, and yesterday confirmed it, but she looked tired and he really hated that she could not get proper rest.

'Catch me up on the case then one of you can go to the crib and get some sleep.'

Once Fin and Amanda had caught Olivia up on the case, Fin went up to the crib and Amanda stayed with Liv. Munch had also been sent home during the night and Nick would return from the crib at six o'clock. During the time Olivia had been off some results had come in from the lab. The forensic team had found evidence of blood in the bathroom of the house where Mr. Martins and Ms. Kerry lived. The blood was a match to Kathy and the technicians who had processed the room were really worried by the amount of blood they suspected to have been present. If they were correct, they highly doubted that a little girl could survive loosing so much blood. Obviously it was difficult to tie the suspected murder to either one of the suspects. As they both lived in the house, their DNA was all over the place and unless the detectives could comprehensively prove that Kathy was indeed murdered and who which of the suspects did it, they wouldn't be able to prove murder.

Olivia left the precinct at around 9am to go to Sarah's house. Olivia had phoned the house around 8:30 to make sure Sarah was ok to see Olivia and Sarah's mother had assured Olivia she could come through. Olivia hated that she had to keep taking Sarah through the time that she was held, but if Kathy had been murdered they just had to try and nail the perpetrator/s and Sarah could hold valuable information even if she didn't know it. As Olivia drove towards the house she could help but think back on her time when she was being held by Lewis. She refused to be sucked into a flashback because she was driving but she couldn't but help feel her stomach form a knot just at the thought of what happened. As she arrived at the house she unbuckled her seatbelt and just sat there. She took a few minutes to gather herself before she walked up the path towards the front door.

Unbeknown to Olivia, Sarah's father saw the detective's car roll up in front of the house from the window where he stood. He had been checking the window ever so often to make sure that no unwelcomed visitors or press where gathering on the front lawn. Jake Bell had not only seen the car arrive but he also saw the time that the detective took to gather herself. He hadn't been sleeping too well since this all started. The first two days he was awake wondering if he would hold his daughter in his arms again and last night both him and his wife were up with Sarah every few hours when she would awake from nightmares. During the long second night of this ordeal, from which he could not seem to awake from, he search for information on the Internet on the detectives that were searching for his daughter and her best friend. He knew it was a bit creepy that he had researched the detectives but these was the people who were working on the case. He had to be sure they were up to the task. What he found, shocked him. Jake was glad to find that the squad involved came very highly recommended, having a high success rate and a few commendations, but what he did not expect to find was a few news clips from a few weeks ago where in the police commissioner and Captain Cragen was appealing for anyone who had knowledge of the whereabouts of a detective Olivia Benson who was now a prisoner of a guy called William Lewis. As Jake's mind went over all the information once again his door bell rang and pulled him back to the present time.

'Good morning Detective Benson. Come in.'

'Morning Mr. Bell. Thank you.'

'How did last night go?' asked Olivia as Jake Bell took her coat.

'It was so good to bring our daughter home yesterday, really it was, but last night was difficult. Sarah woke up every few hours with nightmares so both my wife and I were up most of the night.'

'I understand. Most victims of crimes such as this have nightmares when they return to their normal routines and environment. They will fade with time but until then there is not much you can do, except give her all the love and support you can.'

'We will definitely do that.' Jake said. He secretly wondered who was doing that for detective Benson.

'Sir, if I may, I'd like to offer some extra advice while we are alone.'

'Go ahead detective.'

'I know you have another child.'

'Yes, we have a son. He is 12 years old.'

'Sir, I am not a parent so I am not trying to tell you how to parent your children.'

'I understand that. Please speak freely.'

'Well, I have been doing this a long time and what often happens in many of these cases is that the child who wasn't missing gets overlooked as all the attention is first on finding the missing sibling and then trying to help the sibling who was missing to cope with the aftermath of what's happened.'

'Detective, thank you. I understand what you are saying and I really appreciate you bringing it up. I will make sure I spend some quality time with my son today and see how he is doing. Thank you.'

'You are welcome.' Olivia said smiling.

'Sarah is upstairs with her mom. Why don't you go on up?'

Olivia went upstairs and knocked on the door that had Sarah's name on.

'Come in.' Came Marcelle Bell's voice

Olivia opened the door just enough so that she could just put her head in the room. 'May I come in?' she asked this time focusing on Sarah herself so that both mother and daughter knew that Sarah was the one to whom Olivia was asking permission from.

The girl nodded with a slight smile. Sarah had been sitting in bed propped up with pillows, eating some breakfast with her mother keeping her company.

'Thank you.' Olivia walked towards the bed and nonverbally asked Sarah if she could sit at the bottom of the bed. Again the girl answered the detective's question with a small smile.

Olivia knew that she had to take it very slowly again and re-establish the connection that she had with Sarah yesterday. 'Who is that next to you?' she pointed towards the doll that was next to Sarah.

'Elizabeth.'

'Aah Elizabeth. I see. Did she try to help you sleep last night?'

'She tried but I kept waking up with bad dreams.'

'Bad dreams are horrible hey?'

'Ah huh.'

'Can you tell me about your dreams?'

After about 15 minutes of them discussing Sarah's bad dreams, Olivia sympathized with Sarah but she could see that Sarah's dreams would not provide her with any new information on the case.

'Sarah, thank you for sharing your dreams with me and I promise you as time goes by, the bad dreams will become less and less.'

'Sarah, is the anything you have remembered since we last spoke that you want to tell me? Anything that you think could help me find Kathy.'

'I don't know.' Sarah said seemingly getting upset at the question. Olivia knew she had to tread very carefully now otherwise Sarah would close up right here.

'Sarah, remember what I told you yesterday? Nothing you say will get you into trouble. Okay?'

The girl started to play with her bed sheets and duvet. Olivia looked kindly towards Mrs Bell as if to warn her about the next few questions.

'Sarah, did you ever go into the bathroom at Mr. Martins house?'

'Once.'

'Okay. Did Mr. Martins go with you?'

'He stood outside the door.'

'So he never went in while you were in the bathroom?'

'No.'

'Good. Where was Kathy when you went to the bathroom?'

'He locked her in the room.'

Olivia spent about another half an hour gently probing Sarah, looking for anything that they could use to either find Kathy or use again Philip Martins but Olivia eventually decided to stop. When it didn't look like Sarah could give them any more information, Olivia decided to end the interview. She didn't want to make Sarah relive the situation anymore than was necessary. After Olivia assured Sarah and Mrs. Bell that they could call her at any time, she walked out of the house. As she left she heard the bounce of a ball. Olivia looked to her left to see both father and son engrossed in a game of basketball. She smiled. At least her visit wasn't all for nothing.


	16. Chapter 16: A sad turn of Events

Hi All. I apologize for the long wait for the next chapters. I had a busy end to the year, but now that I'm on holiday I'll hopefully get more time to write. We are almost finish this story, just a few chapters left. I'm thinking on a plot for my next story. Any ideas/suggestions? I'm not too keen on E/O hooking up.

Chapter 16

Olivia returned to the squadroom to see everyone except Amanda grinding away.

'Manda gone home?'

'Yip.' Replied Fin

'You get anything from Sarah?' Nick asked.

'Not much. She was locked in the room when he took Kathy into the bathroom. She said he didn't go in with her when he took her.'

'Anything else?'

'I tried.' Olivia said leaning back in her chair. 'I probed for about half an hour after that but she didn't seem to have any more info for us. Sorry guys, I think that's all I will get from her.'

'It's ok Liv. You handled the situation really well. I always stand amazed at how you can get children to open up to you.'

'Nah Liv. Its something special you have. I've been here just as long as you have and I still haven't got it.'

'Thanks guys. Now get back to it!'

Olivia made her way back to her desk and as she hung her coat on her desk she couldn't help but notice a chocolate with a note lying on her desk. She sat down and took the note and read it.

'_Just thought I'd let you know that I'm thinking of you. B.'_

Olivia opened her phone and started to type. '_Thank you for my chocolate. You_ have been so patient, not only _this week but for the last few weeks. Which evening are you available for dinner? Liv.' _

Within five minutes her phone beeped.

'_Actually off tonight. Too soon?'_

'_No. Pick me up at 8?'_

'_Great see you then. B'_

'_Look forward to it.' Liv_

At about two in the afternoon while she work at her desk, Olivia heard her name being called. She looked up to see her captain looking very despondently.

'Liv, can I see you. Please.'

Olivia could see her Captain carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. It was times like these when Olivia tried to shoulder the weight with her Captain as much as she could.

'Captain, what's up.' Olivia said as she took in the view of her captain sitting in his chair with a defeated look on his face. The Captain shook his head as he held his head with his hand.

'They found her, Liv. She's no longer with us.'

Olivia bowed her head for a few minutes before she turned back to her captain. 'Don, we did _everything_ we could. This is not our fault.'

'I know Liv. Its just when they are so young and we can't get there in time, I feel like we are failing…'

'Cap, we saved Sarah. Yes, we didn't get to Kathy in time but let's not remember that Sarah is at home with her family.'

'I just wish we could get to them all.'

'Me too.'

'How do we tell them?' Olivia knew that at this moment her captain was having a moment of weakness and she felt privileged that he had turned to her at this time.

'Captain, you go in there as you have done for every other case in the past. They might have a moment of weaknesss and frustration but in the end we've been here before and we will get through this one as well. We have to, we must still see this case to completion.'

The captain nodded as his lead detective assured him that the team would deal with this loss and continue to fight for the voiceless.

'I want Mr. Martins held accountable and we need to make sure we dot all our i's and cross all our t's!' Cragen said as he stood up with new resolve.

'Of course Captain! I have just one request, sir.'

The expression on Cragen's face told Olivia that she may continue with her request.

'I would like to be the one to tell Sarah and her family. I don't want them to hear it on the news or from some other source.'

'I think that would be the best in this situation. You can leave once we've told the others. Stay as long as they need you to.'

'Thank you sir.'

'Shall we go get some justice for the girls?'

'Right behind you Captain.'

'Ladies and gentlemen can I have your attention. I received the news that the body of Kathy Simmons. She was found in a plantation. The coroner is on her way to the scene now.' The captain took a break and allowed the news to sink in. Those who were standing before he had broken the news were now leaning against something and those who were sitting was now sitting with their heads hung low.

Olivia saw how her Captain was struggling to find the right words to continue, so after exchanging a look with their captain, Olivia stepped forward and started to speak to the troops.

'Guys, we can now bring Kathy home, maybe not in the way we had hoped but she can be returned to her family. But our job isn't done. We need to ensure that justice is served for both Kathy and Sarah. Sarah needs to feel safe again and she can only do that when we have put Philip Martins and anyone else responsible behind bars. We all know that we can't stop here. There is still work to be done and we all need to work with the same enthusiasm and excellence as we have for the last four days.'

Captain Cragen then one again stepped forward to address the room. 'Detective Benson will now return to the house of the Bells to deliver the news personally. Munch and I will go to the Simmons' house. I need Fin, Amanda and Amaro to go to the scene where the body where found. The rest of you need to continue to doing what you do best to close this case. Having said that I want this room cleared of all personnel by seven o'clock tonight because you all deserve an evening at home. But then we all hit the floor running tomorrow morning.'

By the time Captain Cragen finished his speech, he could see that the resolve that he had walked into the room with had been successfully transferred to his staff. As he turned towards his office, he locked eyes with Olivia and thanked her for her contribution to what had just occurred. At that moment Olivia understood what Cragen had told her about what he saw in her future and somehow she knew he was right.


	17. Chapter 17: Visiting the Bells

Chapter 17

For the second time today she was driving up to the Bell's house. No matter how many times she had delivered this kind of news to families it never got easier. Olivia felt sick to her stomach as she got out of the car and started to walk towards the front door. She hated the fact that in a few moments she was going to tell a ten year old that she would never see her best friend ever again. Olivia rung the doorbell and stepped back. In the two minutes that it took Mr. Bell to opened the door, Olivia went through such a range of emotions that she had taken to leaning against the wall just to keep herself upright. The turmoil she was feeling still showed slightly when Mr. Bell saw her face as he opened the door.

'No….' Jake Bell whispered.

'I am so sorry Mr. Bell. I thought I would come myself as I didn't want you to hear it from anyone else.' Olivia said as she stepped into the house.

'Thank you for coming. It might be easier coming from you.'

'I'm here to do whatever I can to help you all, Sir. Where is Sarah and you wife?'

'Um, they're in the lounge.' Jake said.

Olivia could see that Jake was unsure and overwhelmed at the prospect of given his daughter the sad news.

'Jake, why don't we step into the kitchen for a minute?'

Both Jake and Olivia walked into the kitchen. They were greeted by Daphine, the family liason officer who had been working with the family throughout the ordeal. As soon as Daphine saw Mr Bell and Olivia she knew why Olivia had come and she grabbed a chair for Mr. Bell. The three spent about five minutes in the kitchen discussing how they would break the news to Sarah. Finally it was decided that Mr Bell would tell Sarah and Olivia would be beside them to support and answer any questions that would arise.

It had been a few minutes since Jake Bell had told his daughter that her best friend had been murdered and the ten year old had not spoken or moved yet. He looked up with pleading eyes to Olivia as if to ask why his daughter had not yet showed any reaction. Olivia moved closer to Sarah and sat down next to her.

As she gently put her hand in Sarah's hand, she softly spoke to her. 'Sarah, honey, can you tell me what you are thinking?'

'Why?'

'We don't know yet.' All the adults in the room weren't sure which of the many questions that remained Sarah was thinking of but Olivia knew that at the moment she would be unable to answer any of Sarah's questions.

'Why did she die and not me?' Came a small voice.

'Sarah, we don't have all the answers for you yet. My friends and I are still trying to find the answers.'

Sarah looked up at Olivia with tears in her eyes. 'Will you find them?'

Olivia had to swallow hard before she answered. She slipped off the couch and knelt in front of Sarah so she could look the young girl in her eyes. 'Sarah, I promise you I will do my very best to get you all the answers you need. And until then I will have a copy of the case file in my desk.'

Sarah nodded and then leant forward to put her head on Olivia's shoulder and began to weep.

Twenty minutes later there was not a dry eye in the room. Even Olivia had shed a few tears. Sarah eventually excused herself and went up to her room. This gave the adults in the room a chance to talk. Olivia once again assured Sarah's parents that the team's work did not end here, but that they wanted to close this case and make sure that justice was served. After telling the Bells that she would be in touch in the days and weeks that would follow, Olivia gave them her business card so that they could contact her any time they wanted to and turned to leave.

At the door Mrs Bell slipped a card into Olivia's hand and gave her a hug.

************

Olivia decide to drive to a park nearby and just sit there for a few minutes before she returned to the precinct. As she sat in her car watching the children play, she opened the envelope and read the card.

_Detective Olivia Benson and team_

_Thank you so much for bringing our daughter back to us. This may have been just another case to you all but our kids are truly our world. You made sure our world could be whole again._

_Detective Benson, the way you worked with Sarah, so tenderly and gently, was amazing. You are so good at what you do. We pray that every day you will become stronger and that you to will heal. Stay strong, detective._

_All our gratitude and respect._

_Jake, Marcelle, Steven and Sarah Bell_

Olivia wiped away a tear that had made its way halfway down her cheek. After a few minutes of silently watching children play, the seasoned detective turned the key it's the ignition of her car and made her way back to work.


	18. Chapter 18: a little reassurance

**Hi Guys, here's another chapter. I thought the story was coming to an end but its taken a turn! More to come! Comments always encourage me to write quicker. **

Chapter 18

'Ok, so where are we?' asked Cragen as the team had gathered around the table and the white board to gather their thoughts and refocus their attention after delivering the sad news to the various parties. The team worked together for about another hour before getting their attention.

'Guys and girls, it's 6:40 you all have about twenty minutes to make yourselves scarce. People who I find in this squadroom after 7pm are in serious trouble. Thank you so much for your hard work and dedication but now get out of here and enjoy the evening.

'Yes, sir.' Fin replied on behalf of everyone.

Ten minutes later Olivia watched as her computer screen turned black and then she stood up.

'Ok, I'm out of here guys. Enjoy your evening.'

'Bye Liv.'

'Have a good one.'

'Thanks, I plan to.' She said with a cheeky smile.

'Whoa, just what are you planning?'

'MMmm wouldn't you like to know? Good night boys!'

Olivia walked past her captain's office and knocked.

'Come in.'

Olivia walked in and sat down in one of the chairs near Cragen's desk.

'Just wanted to say that I'm on my way.'

'Ok. Why do I sense a bit of hesitancy on your part? Is it case related?'

Olivia shook her head without saying a word. She looked down at her lap. 'I'm going out tonight.'

'That's great Liv. It will get your mind off the case. Is it with Brian?'

Once again she used her head to answer.

'Ok. Liv, what's up? You've been seeing him for a few months now.'

'Its…. It's the first time since…'

'Oh Liv.' Cragen stood up and walked around his desk and sat down on the other chair next to her. He reached for her hand and spoke softly. 'Liv, talk to me.'

'I'm nervous, Don.' She used his first name that indicated that she was talking to the man she considered a father, and not her boss. 'I don't know why. It's not as though I don't know him. As you say, we've been dating for months before...'

'Why do you think you are so nervous?' Trying to force Olivia to verbalise her true thoughts and feelings.

'Perhaps because I feel different to the woman I was last time we were together or maybe because I still haven't told him everything that happened while I was with Lewis. I mean what if we date and when we reach the point of being intimate, he can't cope with what he sees.' Her hand going to her chest.

'Liv, look at me. He would be a fool to be bothered by a few scars. You are one of the most beautiful, smart, loving, caring and funny woman I know. Remember he was at the hospital when we rescued you, so he knows that Lewis left a few scars but I've seen the stuff he has left on your desk these past few days. I saw him waiting in your room beside your bed while you slept. He still wants a chance with you. I must admit when you two started out I thought he was just in it for the fun, but these few weeks I've seen a different side of him. He _really _cares, Liv.'

'Hold up a sec. He sat beside my bed while I slept in hospital? I never saw him.'

'Liv, you were in and out of consciousness for two days and when you were awake you were on pain meds. No one expects you to remember everything. Why don't you go and talk about things, take it slow… I think he'll understand. And if he gives you any hassles you come and tell your father and I'll send your brothers after him. ' Don said with a naught grin on his face.

'Oh crap! I'm late! I'll never get home and be ready in time!'

'Liv, call him. Tell him you running late. He's a cop, he'll understand.'

'Ok.' She said standing up. She moved in closer and gave him a peck on the cheek. 'Thanks dad.'

'Bye Liv.'

He took a seat and let out a sigh. She had done so well with the case that he had no doubt that Detective Benson was back. He just wish he could say the same about Olivia, the woman. He knew that she was very good in keeping her private life out of the office and somehow that made him fear all the more. She seemed so insecure now, so unsure of herself. He'd have to watch her carefully.

As she walked to her car she typed a message on her phone.

_Bri, I am so sorry. Just walking out of the office now. Going to be late._

As she walked to her car, she turned around. 'Hello?' Anyone there?'She swore she'd heard something. Maybe she was just imagining, her senses had been oversensitive since Lewis. With one hand getting her keys ready to unlock her car, she laid the other one her gun which was still attached to her belt.

As she enter her car, the message came through. She chose to ignore it until she was out of the parking garage.

Once safely on her way, she read the message.

'_Ok, no problem. I'll pick you up an hour from now. B' _

While stopped at a robot, she replied.

'_Appreciate it. See you soon.'_

**What was behind her in the garage? Was it her imagination? Who do you want to see make a appearance?**


	19. Chapter 19: A slow walk

**Hi guys, here is a nice long chapter for you all. I hope I get some comments…. I love getting feedback!**

Chapter 19

She was finally at her door. Before entering her apartment she looked down the passage to ensure that she was alone. Her heart was pounding at she entered her apartment. She quickly flicked on the lights and bolted the front door. Her mind told her the next thing she was about to do wasn't necessary and yet she felt herself move through her new apartment flicking on every light with her gun drawn. As she finished her sweep of the apartment she went into her bedroom and sat on her bed with her hands by her side on the bed. All the way home she couldn't shake the idea that the noise she'd heard in the basement carpark was real.

_You ready to go back to work, chase criminals and all that but you can't get your car out the basement and enter your own apartment without freaking out? Come on Benson! Get a grip!_

That evening while she got showered and dressed her gun was never more than an arm's length away from her. She knew it was silly but she felt better knowing it was there.

Forty-five minutes later Olivia was sitting on her couch nervously. She was wearing her white slacks and a turquoise colour shirt. The shirt came up till her collar bone and the sleeves reached down till just above her elbows. She had stood in front of her clothes wardrobe for quite a while looking at all her dresses that were definitely more sexy than what she had chosen but in the end she just wasn't ready to feel so exposed. Everything about tonight made her nervous but Brian had been so patient for weeks now, she didn't want to cancel on him.

Right then her buzzer went.

'Hello?'

"Detective Benson, there is a man down here. He said his name is Brian Cassidy. Can I send him up? I've checked his ID.'

'Thanks James. You can.'

When Olivia had been looking for a new apartment she'd chosen a building with a good security company. When James heard that she was a cop, he had made a habit of double checking their credentials before sending anyone up to her flat that she had not personally introduced to him. The other doormen seemed to do the same.

There was a knock at the door.

'Hi Liv.'

'Hey Brian. Wow those are beautiful.'

'Beautiful flowers for a beautiful woman.'

'Thanks Bri. Let me put these in water before we go. Please come in.'

As Brian watched her he could see her hands shaking very slightly. He knew that she would be nervous and he was ready for that and had already decided what he was going to do. He had plans and he hoped she would agree to it.

'Liv, there's a note in the flowers. Read it.'

She looked at him questionably and when he said nothing, she took the card and opened it.

_Olivia, we've known each other for years but let's try to start afresh. I want to take our time to _

_walk and talk before we start running. B_

Olivia stood there, not knowing what to say. When she turned around Brian was standing smiling. He came to stand in front of her before he start to speak.

'Miss Benson, may I have your arm?'

'You may, Mr Cassidy.'

Brian took her coat and put it around her. Then he gave Olivia her purse. Olivia just watched as Brian took over locking her apartment before handing her back her keys and offering her his arm.

'Shall we take a walk?'

Olivia smiled and linked her arm in with Brian's allowing her gestures to speak for themselves.

'Have a good evening Detective Benson.'

'Thank you James. I'll see you later.'

Brian sat at the table across from the woman he knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He also knew that he had his work cut out for him. Not only had she never experience unconditional love as a child but now she was trying to find her way back from one of the worst attacks that the NYPD had seen on one of their own.

When they left the apartment he had driven her to one of her favourite restaurants where he had book a table in a corner where people weren't walking past them every minute and he had allowed Olivia to sit with her back to the wall facing the restaurant. He knew that if she felt safe she would possibly be able to relax and enjoy the evening. During the first half of the evening he kept the conversation light. They discuss everything about them growing up without turning to the harder aspects of Olivia's past with her mother. They discussed their sports, boyfriends/girlfriends at school, and so much more. He was enjoying getting to know Olivia a bit more and she him. But as the evening wore on she was becoming more and more distant.

'Olivia, what's wrong?'

'What you mean?'

'You becoming distant. Are you worried about how the evening will end?'

'No.'

'You sure? Because I meant it when I said we not rushing things here.'

'Brian, I believe you when you said it and you'll never know what that means to me. I mean part of the reason I was so nervous about tonight was that I wasn't sure how fast you wanted to go and if I was ready but tonight has been so lovely and I have enjoyed it.'

'I'm glad but what's bothering you?'

'Its something Cragen said to me earlier.' She said while playing with her glass.

'Something about work?'

'No. Actually was about you.'

'Me?' He wondered how bad this would be.

'Yes, you.' She said shyly. 'You know how I regard him as a father to me. Well, I went into his office to say I was leaving and he picked up that I was nervous about tonight. We spoke about things and he told me that you spent a lot of time beside my bed when I was in hospital.'

'Yes Liv, I was there. We all were.'

'I don't remember much about those few days.'

'Oh Liv. No one expects you too.' He put his hand on the table so that she could put hers in his if she felt comfortable to. He was delighted when she did.

'I mean. I…I' She began to stammer. 'I don't remember much from the time I freed myself.'

'That's understandable. It was a stressful time.'

'I want to know what happened. Its like I have a gap and I don't like it.

'Well, if you are sure I can tell you what I know. Captain Cragen and the others filled me in on a lot of details.'

'I'd like that. That's if you are comfortable doing it.'

'Of course. Whatever you need, Liv.'

As Brian told her what he knew, other memories of those days flooded Olivia's mind.

'_It's over Liv… It's over now.' Nick said as he put the blanket around her._

_She just look out and saw the sea of cops, crime scene units, and emergency vehicles that were outside the cottage._

'_He's still alive.' Said Fin as he reached the steps where Olivia stood frozen to the spot._

'_I…I don't know how..'_

'_You did what you had to do.'_

'_Let's get you out of here.' Nick said as he gently helped his partner down the steps._

_Nick led Olivia down the path to where the second ambulance was waiting. He knew he she wasn't really taking in what was going on around her so he had to guide her as he would a child. As soon as she was seated he heard a car roar up the driveway. He looked behind him just to make sure it wasn't the press who had found them. He would protect her by any means from those vultures as she was definitely in no state to be found by them. Instead Nick found the man this woman considered a father running towards them. He thought that the Captain looked liked he'd aged ten years in the last four days. Nick signalled to the concerned man that he needed to slow down before he reached them._

'_Liv?' The older man spoke gently. He could see that she was trembling and that her eyes were not really focusing._

'_Captain, she's suffering from a variety of things, amongst them dehydration, low blood sugar, shock, trauma and pain. We need to get her to the hospital as soon as we can.' _

'_I just need a few minutes with my detective.' He said to the paramedic who was taking Olivia's vitals. 'Liv, they gonna take you in to Mercy and I'm going to sort the scene out them I'm going to follow you as soon as I can. Nick's gonna ride with you and stay with you, ok?' He waited for a response and when none came he knelt in front of her. 'Liv, I know you struggling right now, but can you nod for me to tell me you know what I said to you?'_

'_Nick is coming with me, you will follow soon.' Came her hoarse voice._

'_Yes, I will be there as soon as I can. I've already phoned Brian. He should be waiting for you at Mercy and Melinda is also there waiting. Take her. Nick until she gets to Cassidy or Melinda you stay with her!'_

'_Yes, Sir.' _

'_Detective Benson, come on in here and lie down on the gurney.' The female paramedic who had been working on the detective suggested._

_Both she and Nick helped Olivia into the ambulance and assisted her to lie down. Olivia found it too painful to lie flat so they moved her to a slightly reclining position. After a nod from the paramedic Cragen shut the door and knocked twice against the door signalling to the driver that he was good to go. As the aging man watched the ambulance drive off he turned to the house. He wanted to be by her side as soon as possible but first he wanted to see what she had survived and make sure that any and all evidence was gathered as they would definitely put him away this time._

'Liv, you ok?'

'Yeah, I guess there are just parts I'll never remember.'

'Do you want me to go on?'

'Please, I need to fill these gaps, Brian.' She said sadly.

_The whole way to the hospital Olivia never closed her eyes. She was too scared that being rescued was a dream. She was scared that if she closed her eyes and reopen the again she would be tied back to that bed with him staring at her._

_She felt the ambulance stop and the doors flew open._

'_Forty-eight year old female, held hostage for four days, dehydrated…' The words faded as Olivia zoned out._

'_Liv. Liv. Olivia, can you hear me?'_

_Olivia heard a familiar voice calling her back to the present._

'_Nick?' Olivia mumbled._

'_No Olivia, its Melinda. We are in a treatment room and Nick can't be back here.'_

'_Hi Melinda.' Olivia croaked. Their eyes briefly met before Olivia tried to survey the room._

'_Liv, we are alone for a few minutes but the doctors and nurses need to come and treat you. Are you ok with that?'_

'_Will you stay with me?' She said nervously. She was ashamed that she needed someone with her._

'_Of course! I was going to stay even before you asked.' Melinda said as she moved towards the door to allow the other medical staff to enter._

'_Hello Detective Benson. I am Dr Cindy Madison. I'll be your primary doctor.'_

'_Olivia please. Call me Olivia.'_

'_Ok Olivia. This is Mary and she's going to help me treat you. Is that okay?' It was clear that Dr Madison was trying to be as comforting as she could and put Olivia at ease. 'Olivia, I need to ask. Do you need a rape kit?'_

_At the question Olivia turned her head away from the three women standing in the room. 'I…I'm not sure… I mean I don't think it happened…' Her one hand moved to her face to wipe a tear that had escaped._

'_But you can't be sure?'_

'_No, I was unconscious a lot… He…'_

'_Olivia, we don't need to go into details now, ok? But if you'll let us I think we should do a rape kit.'_

_She turned her face to look at Melinda. Her eyes pleading._

'_Liv.' Melinda said as she moved closer, 'I promise I'm not going anywhere. We'll do this together.'_

_She nodded and looked at Dr Madison, 'Ok.'_

'_Olivia, we will get started, but at anytime you need a break just let us know.'_

_Three hours later._

_Dr Madison had just finished the internal exam when she looked at Olivia. The woman was clutching at her friend's hand, her body was trembling and tears were streaming down her face. Dr Madison's heart broke. She was used to work with patients who had been through traumatic events but after seeing Detective Benson in the passages of the hospital when she was working with victims. She always looked so strong and in control and this made it all the more sad. She removed her gloves and walked toward Olivia._

'_Olivia, I want us to take a break. How about I ask a nurse to get us a cup of tea?'_

'_But what about the evidence?'_

'_It will still be there in ten minutes. You need to take a break. Why don't we help you to sit up.'_

_All Olivia could do was nod._

'Liv, why don't we stop here for now?'

'Huh?'

'The story. Why don't we get the cheque and get out of here?'

'Ok.'

As soon as the bill was paid, Brian moved over towards Olivia and helped her put her coat on. He yet again offered her his arm to escort her out to the car.

During the drive home Olivia was silent. Her mind was processing what Brian had said and the memories that it had brought back.

'Liv, please answer me honestly. Are you ok?'

'At this moment Bri, no. I'm not. But I don't want the first time I hear about it to be in the courtroom. I need to hear this, as difficult as it may be, before because I need time… time to think things through… to make sense of it all. If I ever can…'

'Ok, I think I understand. We here, may I walk you up?'

'That would be good. Thanks.'

As they stood in the elevator Brian put out his hand and waited. It took a few moments for her to realize what he wanted. She smiled and put her keys in his hand. He truly was trying to be a gentleman. When the elevator stopped he put his hand behind her back and guided her towards her door. Once again she was nervous about entering her own new apartment, she was angry at herself for it. But what amazed her more was the fact Brian seemed to sense her fear. As he opened the door he stood between her and the door as if to protect her from anything that may be in the place. As he open the door, he reached back for her hand and she followed him. As if he had seen what she had done hours ago, he led her from room to room silently showing her that no one had paid her an uninvited visit. When the got back to the living he could see her visibly relax.

'Bri, you want some coffee or tea?'

'Coffee would be nice, thanks.'

He took a seat on the couch, watching her in the kitchen. He knew now, even more than he knew the day the she went missing that he was willing to do whatever it took to make her feel safe. The two sat on the couch for another hour before Brian suggested that he leave. He imagined that Olivia might want to take some time to herself before going to bed.

'Bri, thank you so much for tonight. I enjoyed dinner and the conversation afterwards well… I can't say it was enjoyable but it means a lot to me that you would take me through it.'

'Liv, I want you to know you are the most important person in my life. I want to make our relationship work but I know you need time and I want you to take all the time you need. All I ask is that you allow me to help where I can and be part of your life going forward.'

'Brian, thank you. There's something I want to set straight.'

'Ok.' He was now nervous. Was she about to dash his hopes?

'At the hospital when I said I didn't want to go to your place, it wasn't about you or our relationship.' Olivia looked down at her hands. 'I just didn't want to rush into anything. I've been alone for so long that living with someone else kinda scares me and I was so scared at that point already.'

'Liv, you don't need to continue. I get it and I meant what I said in my note. Let's walk, take our time, heal, and then see where we go from there.'

'Thank you Bri. It really means a lot that you are willing to take it slow. I mean so many guys wouldn't want to take it slow but rather expect us to pick up where we were before it happened.' She said as she took the cups to the sink.

He collected his jacket, walked up to her, took her hand, and kissed it. 'Good night, Miss Benson. Thank you for the evening.'

Olivia chuckled at Brian's gestures. 'Good night Mr Cassidy. Thank you for the walk.'

'Lock the door behind me. Call if you need anything, my lady.'

'I will.'


End file.
